September 16, 2018 – “Finding Your Love Language: Words of Affirmation” by Rev. Cody Sandahl
Lay Reader = Hebrews 13:1-9, 15-16
1Let mutual love continue. 2Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it. 3Remember those who are in prison, as though you were in prison with them; those who are being tortured, as though you yourselves were being tortured. 4Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers. 5Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” 6So we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can anyone do to me?” 7Remember your leaders, those who spoke the word of God to you; consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. 8Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 9Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings; for it is well for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by regulations about food, which have not benefited those who observe them. 15Through him, then, let us continually offer a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that confess his name. 16Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.
Introduction
This is the last week in our series about finding your love language in life and in worship. Last week we talked about acts of service, and we talked about the difference between joyful service and grumpy service.
Next week we will start a series on Nehemiah, and we’ll see how he was able to dream of a better future and then rally people to make it happen.
This week, for music dedication Sunday, we are looking at the final love language in life and in worship: words of affirmation.
And I think both of the main words are important here. “Words.” That means that unless it’s spoken it hasn’t happened yet. A shoulder massage is nice, but that’s either physical touch or acts of service, not “words” of affirmation. And then make sure those words are actually “affirmation.” Praise. Positivity. Gratefulness.
We’re going to hear about the power of positive words in Romans 12. This is a letter from the apostle Paul to the church in Rome. He hadn’t met them personally, so he wanted to put a lot of his theology into this letter so they could hear who he was and what he believed in straight from the horse’s mouth.
Romans 12:5-21
5so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another. 6We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: prophecy, in proportion to faith; 7ministry, in ministering; the teacher, in teaching; 8the exhorter, in exhortation; the giver, in generosity; the leader, in diligence; the compassionate, in cheerfulness. 9Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; 10love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. 11Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. 13Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. 14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. 17Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. 18If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20No, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.” 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Don’t Forget the Hits
What’s one of your earliest memories? For me, one of my earliest and strongest memories comes from kindergarten. I had a pet rabbit that I brought to show and tell day. I was simultaneously proud and very nervous that the rabbit would escape. So I alternated between being very generous and very mean about who could hold and pet my bunny. For some strange reason – I think it was random, actually – I was generous with my friends and mean to the kids I didn’t like as much. Probably that was just because my friends were the responsible ones, and the others were the rapscallions.
Why do I remember this and frankly almost nothing else from my school experience in kindergarten? Because that’s what I wish I did differently. And my brain quickly erases whatever was good and etches indelibly onto my memory the things I could have done better. If I don’t remember it, it must’ve been pretty good.
This has been helpful over the years, because it helps me have a growth and development mindset. Maybe some day I’ll have such a great year that I remember nothing. That would be the top of the mountain for me!
Now that’s a bit tongue-in-cheek, but my mind definitely hones in on the negative, the opportunities for growth and change. I was just the featured speaker at a fundraiser for Charlie’s special needs camp, and the main thing I remember is that I cleared my throat a little too close to the mic when I was getting a little teary-eyed while telling Charlie’s story. I barely remember the fifteen minutes of people wanting to talk to me afterwards, but I’ll remember that throat-clearing for the rest of my life.
I am a big fan of learning from mistakes, so I like to debrief events when we’re done so we can make it better next time. But not everyone appreciates my laser focus on mistakes.
In my previous church, we were going over our Christmas Eve worship services. And I had a running list of things we could have done better. We should look into having a parking lot team next year, because the parking experience was draining people of their Christmas cheer. Our exterior signage needed to get better for our guests. Our interior signage needed to guide visitors to the bathrooms. The worship service was a bit too long – people seemed bored by the end. We needed to add about thirty more minutes of time between two of the services to help the parking lot empty.
And that’s when one of the other staff members interrupted me. He had a pained look that was a mixture of wounded and incredulous. He asked, “Well was there anything we did well?”
Whoops. Forgot about that part. I had already forgotten all of those things.
And that question – that need to hear what went well, not just what could be improved – that’s the “words of affirmation” love language. Ever since that moment, I changed my debrief process to ask three things in this order: What were our hits? What were our misses? What should we do next time? Hits. Misses. Next Times. In that order. Because without that process I would jump to the misses every time.
If you have someone in your life who experiences love by hearing words of affirmation, make sure you start with the hits. Don’t forget to tell them – with real, live, actual, audible words – what went well. Tell them what you appreciate. Tell them!
Our text today encourages us to “outdo one another in showing honor.” In other words, go out of your way to praise people and show them respect. Dole out the credit instead of hoarding it. Who in your life could use a little dose of praise? Who hasn’t heard “thank you” in a while?
Affirming God
Today is our music dedication Sunday, and I intentionally put words of affirmation this week. Because singing is one of the most common ways we worship, and many, many songs and hymns are praising God.
“A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing. Our helper he amid the flood, of mortal ills prevailing.”
That’s words of affirmation toward God. Or how about…
“Then sings my soul, my savior God to Thee. How great Thou art, how great Thou art.”
Telling God how great he is? That’s words of affirmation. That’s telling God, “I love you.” Or how about…
“Fairest Lord Jesus! Ruler of all nature. Son of God and Son of Man! Thee will I cherish, thee will I honor. Thou, my soul’s glory, joy, and crown.”
Cherish, honor, joy – those are words of affirmation. Or how about…
“All hail the power of Jesus’ name! Let angels prostrate fall! Bring forth the royal diadem, and crown him Lord of all. Bring forth the royal diadem, and crown him Lord of all.”
Those are words of affirmation. That’s telling Jesus, “I love you.”
I love singing those words of affirmation. I personally don’t pray those words of affirmation very well. But I can sing them with gusto! When I worship, I worship best by singing. Not even listening – singing. But you might worship best by listening. Or you might worship best by speaking your prayers. Or you might worship best by thinking your prayers in dialogue with God. There are different ways to apply “words of affirmation” to our worship.
So what’s your most life-giving way to worship God? How do you best praise God? Our first text today said, “let us continually offer a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that confess his name.” A “sacrifice of praise” means praising God even when you don’t feel like it, even when things aren’t going well, even when you don’t feel particularly praise-y today.
How do you best affirm and praise God? If you are a singer, then sing! If you are a listener, then listen! If you are a pray-er then pray! Let God know about the hits, not just the misses and next times.
Summary
Sisters and brothers, I bet I’m not the only one who jumps to the misses and forgets to speak the hits aloud. Don’t forget the hits. Don’t forget the praise. Don’t forget the WORDS – real, live, actual, spoken words – of affirmation.
I want to invite you to take the next minute or so thinking of one person in your life who could use a word of affirmation. And decide when you’re going to tell it to them THIS WEEK. If we got into the habit of sharing words of affirmation, I think the world would be a better place.
So I’m going to give you a minute or so to think of that person, that praise, and that appointment to share it. And since it’s music dedication Sunday, I’ll play through the first verse of our next hymn, Blessed Assurance, before turning it over to the real musicians up here.
