September 9, 2018 – “Finding Your Love Language: Acts of Service” by Rev. Cody Sandahl

Lay Reader = James 1:19-27
19 You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20for your anger does not produce God’s righteousness. 21Therefore rid yourselves of all sordidness and rank growth of wickedness, and welcome with meekness the implanted word that has the power to save your souls.
22 But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. 23For if any are hearers of the word and not doers, they are like those who look at themselves in a mirror; 24for they look at themselves and, on going away, immediately forget what they were like. 25But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act—they will be blessed in their doing.
26 If any think they are religious, and do not bridle their tongues but deceive their hearts, their religion is worthless. 27Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
Introduction
We are still in our series about finding our love languages in life and worship. Last week we looked at quality time, and we asked how we can give the people in our lives and give God our undivided attention. This week we are looking at acts of service.
We’re looking at a text from John 15. In the Gospel of John, Jesus gives a long talk to his disciples while they’re in the Upper Room the night Jesus is betrayed. He washes their feet – a shocking act of service – and then tells them several chapters’ worth of final teachings. The theme of serving others comes up quite a few times. Have you ever seen “TL;DR” on the Internet? That means, “Too Long; Didn’t Read.” If you don’t want to read Jesus’ whole multi-chapter treatise, this text is the TL;DR summary for you.
John 15:9-14
9As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. 10If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. 11I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete. 12 ‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command you.
Attitude
Let me describe a scenario for you. And I want you to give me a score on this. 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest. Give me a score on this hypothetical act of service. Imagine that I’m going to serve my wife by doing the dishes while she’s away for the evening. But I wait until about five minutes before she’s supposed to get back. And when she walks in the door, I’m muttering to myself about how many dishes there are. And when she wants to tell me about her day, I say, “Can’t talk! I’m serving you by doing all these dishes! And let’s eat out tomorrow instead of cooking so there won’t be any dishes tomorrow night!”
What do you think? The dishes got done, right? 1 to 10, how many points should I get for that service?
In other words – does your attitude matter when you’re serving someone, or is the end result all that matters?
Well in our text today, Jesus uses these words: love, joy, friends, abide. In our first text today from James, we heard “be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger…bridle your tongue.” Or you’ve heard of the fruit of the Spirit, right? The result of the Holy Spirit working in your life, Paul writes in Galatians 5, is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.”
I don’t see muttering on that list. I don’t see eye rolling on that list. I don’t see self-congratulation on that list. I don’t see martyr syndrome on that list – where you point out to everyone who will listen how much you’ve suffered. I don’t see demanding recognition on that list.
Attitude matters.
In fact, I think that’s the most difficult part of what Jesus says. Jesus gives quite a few difficult commandments here. He doesn’t say “love people enough to get credit.” He says, “love just as I have loved you.” He doesn’t say to do random acts of kindness a few times a month, he says, “abide – live, dwell, inhabit – in my love.” Make it a way of life. He doesn’t say that serving others is a great way to build your resume, he says we should “lay down our lives.”
But to top it all off, he says we should have joy as we do that. That’s tough! I think it’s often the hardest part.
From Grumpy to Joyful
But maybe we can use our attitude as a canary in the mine shaft, as a bellwether, as a trip wire. When I am counseling couples before their wedding, I tell them that bitterness is a flashing yellow light. Bitterness in your heart is like the check engine light on your car. You can probably drive around with it for a while, but then again your engine might explode. The longer you go without addressing it, the more dangerous it becomes. When you feel bitterness in your heart, that’s a good time to go get a relational tune up with a counselor if possible, or a pastor if you’re more comfortable.
I think it’s the same when we are serving someone or serving in a ministry. If you notice bitterness in your heart, that’s a check engine light. If you go to a meeting and come home grumpy, that’s a check engine light. If you do a thousand things to help others, but then you want to complain about it – that’s a check engine light.
One of the great cultural works of the English language was released in 1987. The parody movie, “Space Balls.” A princess is being rescued by a scoundrel, and she is rather grumpy at how inconvenient the rescue is for her. And he says to her, “Look! Those pouty lips! Those flashing eyes! Those flushed cheeks! You know something, Princess? You are ugly when you’re angry!”
Joyful service is beautiful. Grumpy service is ugly.
We make our boys pick up the play area before they go to bed. And they are always joyful about it as you might imagine. But sometimes – it’s rare – but sometimes I’m picking up a few things during the day. And I don’t even ask them to help, but sometimes one of them comes upstairs and helps me pick up with a smile on their face. When Charlie marches upstairs and says, “I pick up my mess!” That’s heart-warming because of his attitude, because of his joy. When he lies on the ground like a limp noodle and chucks his toys in the general direction of the toy bin because I’m requiring it? Not as heart-warming.
The toys got picked up in both cases, but grumpiness is ugly and joy is beautiful. Have you ever been the grumpy server? Are you being the grumpy server now? I would love to declare First Pres Littleton to be a grumpiness free zone, but I don’t have that power. Since it worked for forest fires, maybe I need to have Grumpy the Bear to say, “Only YOU can prevent grumpy serving!”
Maximize Your “Get-To’s” With Spiritual Gifts
But if you are being the grumpy server right now, what can you do about it? If you’re having trouble letting go of little annoyances in your head, if you’re keeping Jesus’ commandments but your heart isn’t full of love, what can you do about it? Or to use our first text from James, if you’re having a hard time being quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger, what can you do about it?
Well let me encourage you to minimize your “have-to’s” and maximize your “get-to’s.” We spent a significant part of this year talking about our spiritual gifts, or our spiritual DNA – the ways God has designed us to serve with joy. We had about 80 people take the spiritual gifts class or take the spiritual gift inventory on paper or on our website.
Now, if you are serving Jesus or serving other people, and you go home glad that you did it, you don’t need a spiritual gift inventory – you’re already in the right spot. But if you are serving Jesus or serving other people, and you go home complaining and grumpy – you might need to make a change. And the spiritual gifts inventory can help you find that fertile ground for joyful service, not grumpy service.
If you have spiritual DNA for Prophecy, meaning Truth-Seeking, find a way to serve where you can provide oversight, accountability, or say the uncomfortable but necessary truth.
If you have spiritual DNA for Helping or Serving, find a team that does something you believe in and pitch in wherever you can.
If you have spiritual DNA for Teaching, find a way to serve where you can help it be the best it can be, or where you can help train others to get involved effectively.
If you have spiritual DNA for Encouraging, you can either reach out to others who would be joyful servers in the ministry, or find a person or two whom you can mentor.
If you have spiritual DNA for Giving, find a way of serving where you can find or give the resources needed for that to thrive.
If you have spiritual DNA for Leading, find a way to serve that allows you to organize, plan, or direct the effort – either the whole thing or just your own little part you can guide.
If you have spiritual DNA for Compassion or Mercy, find a way to reach those who are outsiders or serve people who have physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual needs.
Find your fertile ground for joyful service, not grumpy service. If you’re grumpy right now, it might be because you are operating outside of how God designed you to serve.
I think this is fairly obvious inside the church, but I think it can apply in our relationships, too. Usually our spiritual gifts are like our love languages – we like to receive what we are good at.
So many times a good way to serve a leader is to offer to take something that annoys them and run with it so they can focus elsewhere.
Many times a good way to serve a prophet or truth-seeker is to tell them God’s honest truth.
Many times a good way to serve someone with helping or serving is to just do some random chores for them.
Sometimes you can reverse this. Many times a good way to serve someone with teaching is to let them teach you something and have a good attitude while you learn.
Same thing with a person who has mercy or compassion – many times they have a hard time receiving mercy or compassion from others. So is there any way you can let them into your life more deeply and allow them to demonstrate their compassion.
A giving person might appreciate knowing that you donated to a cause they believe in.
So if you are grumpy while serving, think about your spiritual gifts to find a new way to serve. And if you are trying to say “I love you” to someone by serving them, think about what they would truly appreciate based on their spiritual gifts. And if said person is a control freak, you might have your work cut out for you because they might not want to be served!
Find the Win
The other thing that can help you find joy in serving instead of grumpiness is to find the win. We have some Broncos fans here – and we also have some Broncos fans who are away at the game today – so let me ask you this: was it more fun to be a Broncos fan when they won the division five times in a row and took home a Super Bowl? Or was it more fun to miss out on the playoffs in 2016 and having a losing record last year? Which was more fun?
For the Longhorns, I can tell you it was categorically more fun having 9 straight 10-win seasons, including a national title, and it was categorically less fun winning five to seven games the last few seasons. Winning is fun! Surprising revelation of the century, right?
Now, Jesus says we should abide in joy, to choose to be joyful, but that’s not always easy. So find the win. Maybe that’s internal – I enjoy serving this person or serving in this ministry because I feel good about it.
I was on a youth mission trip in the Chicago area, and one of the houses we were repairing had a very demanding owner. When the owner criticized the results of their labor, the students were livid. They had traveled half-way across the country to help her, and this was the result?
I encouraged them to remember that what they were doing pleased Jesus even if the homeowner was cantankerous. Even if the homeowner didn’t want to give them credit, Jesus did. That’s an internal motivation even when the external factors don’t look like a win.
But sometimes you might be able to find an external win – even if it’s small. I also reminded those students that, even if she complained about it, they had built her a sturdy, level, functioning floor. Her previous one had holes in it. That’s demonstrably better, right? She was a cranky person with holes in her floor when you found her. She’s a cranky person with a solid floor when you left her. That’s a win!
If the person you’re serving is always saying “you missed a spot,” a small win might be noticing that they didn’t criticize you this time. They could still use some lessons in gratefulness, but you can’t control that. Or maybe just remind yourself of how you made something better. Find a small win. Focus on that.
What’s a Win for FPCL?
If you’re serving somewhere here at church and you’re feeling grumpy about it even though it’s the kind of thing you’re good at and enjoy, do you know what a “win” is in that ministry? Why should anyone be doing it, let alone why should you be doing it? What’s the God-honoring vision behind that ministry, and how is it making an impact? Why is it worth doing?
That’s why I’ve been talking the last two weeks about our church vision, because what excites me, what brings me joy, isn’t necessarily driven by numbers. Scale matters. Trend matters. But whether we have 160 in worship or 165 in worship doesn’t move my emotional dial. It’s a useful tool, not a real God-honoring goal.
What gets me excited is when people who aren’t already connected with a faith community find a way to belong here. When they find those Rooted Relationships here – that’s a win. Whether it’s a Bible study or the choir or a mission project or a book club or quilting. When someone feels like they belong – that’s a win. When someone finds relationships that matter, that support, that encourage, that heal – that’s far better than our shallow culture. That’s exciting. That’s like closing a hole in the floor of that woman’s house in Chicago.
When someone finds a way to believe here, to Grow in Christ, that’s a win. Maybe it’s the prayer ministry, maybe it’s a Bible study again, maybe it’s teaching in Sunday school or mentoring a youth confirmation student, and that reinvigorates their own faith. That’s a win. When we help people find the peace of Jesus, the peace which surpasses all understanding instead of running the rat race of accumulation – that’s exciting.
When someone decides to be loving, Branching Out to Serve, when someone gives their time to be the hands and feet of Jesus – that’s a win. When someone decides realizes they can find deeper fulfillment serving others rather than serving themselves – that’s exciting.
If we can help someone belong, believe, and be loving – even if it’s just incrementally, even if it takes a long time – I find joy in that. That’s the win, and that’s why I’m here.
If you want to find the win in your ministry, or if you think your ministry needs to rethink itself, think about those three things. How are we helping people belong, believe, or be loving? How are we helping people become Rooted, Growing, and Branching Out? How might someone be a smidge more like Jesus after they interact with this ministry? If you can’t articulate that, you might be missing the win that would bring you more joy as you serve.
Summary
Sisters and brothers, Jesus said we should abide in his joy – that we should live in a joyful place as we serve others. Joyful service, not grumpy service.
If you find yourself being more grumpy than joyful, is there a better way to serve that is more in line with how God designed you?
Or is there a way to focus on the small wins – fixing the holes in the floor even if the homeowner is still cranky?
Jesus uses the imagery of “abiding” very intentionally. It means to settle down, to live. You can choose where you live. You don’t always get to choose how big your house is, but you have choices on where you live. You can choose joy as well. Abide in joy this week.