My devotions took me to Exodus today, and I noticed this little snippet from God’s words to Pharaoh:
“Thus says the Lord, ‘By this you shall know that I am the Lord…'” – Exodus 7:17a
While Pharaoh got smacked in the face by God’s power and presence, we normally have to look a little more closely to know that He is the Lord.
How Do You KNOW God Is Real?
As I think about this, I can list quite a number of reasons and stories. I know God is real because…
I had early experiences that brought me close to Him
I’ve never regretted following God, even when the instructions didn’t make sense
Life is way more interesting following God than following my own whims
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire – that many coincidences add up
I have faith…that means believing in something that can’t be conclusively proven
Let me tell you just one of my early experiences, and maybe it will remind you of some of your reasons forKNOWING God is real.
My grandfather had polio and was bound to a wheelchair for most of his life. As a result, he died before I was school-age. As my family was getting ready for the funeral, I suddenly told my mother, “In heaven, Gramps can walk.” I find it interesting that it was a statement, not a question.
I see that as one of my earliest God-sightings. God could use a tiny little boy to comfort a room full of adults by giving him certainty.
I could write story after story like that – moments when God showed up and did just the right thing at just the right time. What are some of your God-sightings? Why do you believe it was God?
1 Peter 3:15 says…
But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect
Someone asks you, “How do you KNOW God is real?” How do you respond?
I have been using the Life Journal for my personal devotional lately, and I have seen immense spiritual growth from the process. I recently read Psalm 8, and I was especially drawn to v3-4:
When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? (ESV)
This is an amazing claim, if you think about it. The same God who made the heavens cares about me (and you)! The same God who set the planets in motion cares about that parking place you think you deserve in the front row at the mall. The same God who made the forces of gravity and magnetism cares about the forces of love and joy.
Thinking about this God of the macro AND the micro, I felt I needed to write down how much I have to be thankful for. I wrote down tiny little prayers answered like finding a bug in a website I was designing. I wrote down big things like my wife, my son, and my health. I wrote down medium things like a group of guys to play basketball with.
What are you thankful for? Take a moment and write it down – you’ll see why in a second.
Do You Want To Be Happier?
I also read an interesting article (link to article) about how to increase your happiness. They had students write a nontrivial (requires thought) letter of gratitude several times throughout the semester, and then they surveyed how happy they were. The results?
“I saw their happiness increase after each letter, meaning the more they wrote, the better they felt” – Dr. Steven Toepfer, Kent State University
In other words, the more we practice being grateful and thankful, the happier we feel. How much would you pay for a pill that could make you happier? Will you spend just a few minutes practicing gratefulness to achieve an even better result?
Putting It Into Practice
Take a few minutes and write down what you’re thankful for
If you have a spouse or child, tell them some specific reasons (remember: nontrivial) you’re thankful for them
Discussion Starters
How easy/hard is it for you to express gratitude to someone else?
How easy/hard is it for you to receive thanks from someone else?
My wife recently informed me that when I planned how we would celebrate her birthday I did “infinitely better than last year.” The astute reader may be asking two questions:
1. How badly did you do last year?
2. How well did you do this year?
Let us examine exhibit A.
How Badly Did I Do Last Year?
While I cannot certifiably prove that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the road to a bad birthday experience is paved with those good intentions. I am trained in logic, sets, and recursion, so I feel the need to lay out my internal logic.
1. Birthday = celebrate someone’s life
2. Celebrate someone’s life = let them do what they want to do
3. My instincts have proven unreliable in determining what my wife will want to do
ERGO I should let my wife plan her own birthday party by asking her, “But what do you want to do?”
If you don’t read the rest of the article, at least know that this is a terrible idea!!! I’ll explain why in a moment.
How Well Did I Do This Year?
This year I took a more active role. I proposed a double-date with some of our friends. I suggested some restaurants, though we eventually settled on one of my wife’s ideas. I arranged the details with our friends. I pestered everyone to finalize the plan so we could get reservations three days ahead of time. I suggested an activity she talks about doing but never has the time to do, and I stayed home with the toddler so she could do it.
With all of that said, the restaurant didn’t take reservations and didn’t seat us for 90 minutes. My wife ended up finding the babysitter for the night, choosing the restaurant, guiding our eventual dessert plan, and buying some stuff for me while she was doing that activity on her own.
How is this “infinitely better than last year?” Didn’t she effectively plan most of her birthday again? Didn’t my part of the plan go a little haywire?
What Does The Bible Say?
Let me lift up two key verses:
“In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets. – Matthew 7:12 (NRSV)
Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband. – Ephesians 5:33 (NRSV)
The Matthew passage is often called “The Golden Rule.” The Ephesians passage is basically restating “The Golden Rule” for marriages. This often gets summarized as “treat others how you want to be treated.” But do you see the problem? Last year I thought the best way to celebrate a birthday was to let the person choose what they wanted to do. But my wife thought the best way to celebrate her birthday was to see her husband make plans and take initiative, even if she later wanted to change them or do something herself. She wanted me to show her I was thinking about her without being prompted.
The Platinum Rule
Let me give you “The Platinum Rule:” treat others how they want to be treated. Another way to say that: love your spouse how they want to be loved.
Does this conflict with what Jesus said? I don’t think so.
I want my wife to show love to me in a way that makes me feel loved, not just in a way that is easy for her. My wife wants me to show love to her in a way that makes her feel loved, not just in a way that makes sense to my logic, sets, and recursion brain.
I did “infinitely better than last year” because I spoke my wife’s love language, not my own. I took initiative to form a plan. That showed her I was thinking about her. I modified the plan based on the input she chose to give, and I did it happily. That showed her it wasn’t about me.
I want to treat my spouse how I want to be treated. I want to speak her love language because I want her to speak my love language. If you don’t know what I mean by love language, saunter on over towww.5lovelanguages.com or buy The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.
Discussion Starters
Have you ever done “infinitely better than last year” in something? What did you learn?
How have you spoken your spouse’s love language instead of your own?
How have you tried to answer this question? I remember how I tried to answer this question in high school.
I believed Christian life was all about following the rules – not sinning. I think I got this idea from Benjamin Franklin, but I thought every Christian should naturally have a sin calendar. The days of the week lined the top. On the left I wrote various sins I noticed within myself. Lust. Lying. Greed. Pride. Etc. (that last one’s the worst)
I took one sin at a time, marking down each day how many times I sinned in that category. Five lusts on Sunday. Three on Monday. Six on Tuesday (everything’s always worse on Tuesday).
I discovered I could virtually eliminate any sin within a week or two. So then I could move on to the next one. Four greeds on Sunday. Two on Monday. Seven on Tuesday. And on it went.
There are two major problems with this approach. #1: after I “moved on” from a sin it always came back to fill the void left by focusing on another sin. #2: this is totally NOT what Christian life is about.
How have you defined the Christian life?
The early Christians understandably had to make things up as they went (with a healthy dose of Jewish tradition to help them out). Their first attempt at this new way of living is documented in Acts 2:42-47.
Acts 2:42-47 – 42They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43Awe came upon everyone, because many wonders and signs were being done by the apostles. 44All who believed were together and had all things in common; 45they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, 47praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved.
According to this passage, what does the Christian life look like? Take a minute to write down what you see. For example, v42 lifts up learning and relationships.
Spiritual Growth as a Tree
Tree drawn by Judy Larson
What does Christian life look like? Picture a tree.
v46 says “they spent much time together in the temple.” Since the temple is where they worshipped, the soil for the tree is worship. The soil grounds the tree, it provides nutrients for the tree, but it isn’t a tree. Worship is foundational, but it isn’t enough.
v44 mentions “all who believed.” At some point your soil must harbor a seed of commitment to Christ. This is the moment when you are willing to trust Jesus with your life.
v42 and v46 lift up fellowship and spending time together. Your tree’s roots are formed from relationships. Tell me, how useful is a tree if it’s only a bunch of roots? You aren’t a full tree if you just have soil and roots (worship and relationships). All the best stuff is yet to come.
v42 says “they devoted themselves to the apostle’s teaching…and the prayers.” Your tree’s trunk is built through spiritual disciplines. Two of the most powerful spiritual disciplines are reflecting on Scripture and praying for guidance. On top of these you can find all kinds of disciplines like fasting, silence, etc.
v43, v44, and v46 highlight “wonders and signs,” “all things in common,” and “distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need.” Your tree branches out in ministry. Branches are useful for shade. They are useful for harboring birds and squirrels and other creatures. Branches support the fruit (don’t worry, that’s next). Branches are useful.
Finally, v47 reminds us that “day by day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved.”Sharing Christ with your friends is showing fruit. Ask yourself this, though: who receives nourishment from fruit? The tree or others? Also, think about how fruit spreads far enough away from the tree. Fruit can be carried by birds and squirrels and other creatures (thanks, branches). Fruit can also be carried by the wind (thanks, Holy Spirit).
At the end of the day, however, remember that your tree isn’t really about the soil, the roots, the trunk, the branches, or the fruit. Your tree is all about the One who is the original tree.
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. – John 15:5 (ESV)
Some interesting research was recently summarized by The Guardian. Well, actually, it was a summary of a summary of some research. I guess that makes this a summary of a summary of a summary of some research, so take it with a grain of salt.
Long story short: screen time for children under two can undermine brain development and overall health.
So should we immediately stop showing our children TV’s, video games, computers, and smartphones? More power to you if you have that kind of willpower. If you occasionally see the benefit of a short distraction, however, let’s look more deeply at the research findings. Details matter, as I like to say.
Physical Effects
Will fifteen minutes of watching a screen negatively affect your child’s health? It doesn’t appear so. The article says:
negative effects on health kick in after about two hours of sitting still, with increased long-term risks of obesity and heart problems
So to avoid negative health effects, keep the continuous (in one sitting) screen time as short as possible. The US Department of Health and Human Services recommends keeping screen time to essentially zero until two, then gradually increasing to no more than two hours of screen time per day for an 18-year-old. This discipline will help prevent the onset of a sedentary lifestyle.
Developmental Effects
This one is even more interesting. Basically, the brain behaves differently when it’s passively watching a screen. The most informative line of the article comes from Professor Lynne Murray:
there is “a well-established literature showing the adverse effects of screen experience on the cognitive development of children under three”, but the adverse effects could be mitigated if the child was watching and interacting with “a supportive partner – usually adult”
In other words, if you are using the screen to promote eye-to-eye positive conversation and interaction with your child, it’s unlikely to negatively affect your child’s development.
What Does the Bible Say?
Deuteronomy 4:9 (NLT) – 9“But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.
God instructs parents to instruct their children, and baby learns what baby sees. The most important thing to pass on to your child is your heart for God (your soul), and the eyes are the window to the soul.
Summary
Maximize eye-to-eye time with your child. Minimize screen time. If you need some screen assistance, use the screen to keep interacting with your child.
But if your sanity needs a fifteen minute, screen-induced break, other research states that sane parents do parent better! Speaking of which, I’m off to watch my Longhorns on TV with my son 🙂
I am a geek. Moreover, I am a systematic geek. In fact, I am a geek about the very idea of systems. This might make me a sick individual, but at least I’m systematically sick.
One evening while I was geekily reading research articles about systems and productivity, I came across this article about the Seven Myths of Performance Management by Dr. Pietro Micheli of the University of Warwick. His basic observation boils down to this:
Few would challenge the assumption that gathering and analysing data is a value added activity. But actually those few would be right. Value is generated when data is used
As Rev. Alf Halvorson sometimes says, don’t fall prey to stewing without doing.
I was planning a church event one time and was delighted to find a series of debrief files from the last few years. As I read, my keen eye noticed a repeating phrase:
T-1 year…have kids bring more than $10
T-2 years…have kids bring more than $10
T-3 years…have kids bring more than $10
T-4 years…have kids bring more than $10
I’ll have you know, I had kids bring more than $10 that year!
The Point of a System
One of the downsides of being systematic is going into auto pilot mode. For example, I use my car keys as the universal reminder system. Before I leave the house, I pat my pockets to double-check that I have my phone, my keys, and my wallet. If I am missing one of these items, I go to their predictable communal living space on my desk. If my keys are not there, however, I must remember that I (for example) placed them on top of the refrigerator to remind me to grab my lunch from the fridge before I leave. Without a disruption to my normal system, I would hum merrily along on autopilot until my stomach complained at lunchtime.
Long story short, I have a system to remind me to bring my essential items with me. I also have a system that disrupts my normal system so that I will bring special items with me. My system needs flexibility on the location of my car keys to reach my desired outcome: bringing everything I need with me today.
So let me ask you: what is the point of your system? Is it to make sure that the TPS reports are filled out and filed correctly? Or is it to improve communication? To use my example, is the point to have the car keys in a predictable location or to bring everything I need with me today?
Dr. Micheli calls this the difference between learning and control. If you create a system to try to control people’s behavior (let alone their emotions), your system will fail. Oh sure, those TPS reports might be tidy and nice, but people just do that because you make them. The main point is lost almost every time.
Leadership Lesson: use systems to learn and improve, not control
1 Timothy 1:5 says:
But the aim of such instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and sincere faith.
You can instruct and finagle all you want, but be sure you remember the aim of such instruction. Use systems to learn, not control. Use systems to keep you focused on your goal, don’t let the system become the goal.
Putting it into Practice
I’ll let Dr. Micheli speak for himself on this one:
Rather than spending months designing the perfect system that can produce objective, accurate and precise data, efforts should be put in communicating to all employees the reasons and benefits of such systems, and connecting strategy, measurement and decision-making
Generate buy-in around the “why” for your system, not just the “what” and “how”
Measure the desired outcome (ex: bringing everything with me today, people have the info they need to do their job) instead of the side-effect (ex: my keys are in the right place, the report is filled out)
NOTE: this means you’ll have to live with some qualitative measures and messy data; life is complicated
If you measure something and learn something, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
I recently read a fantastic article at the Alban Institute by Susan Beaumont. Her article begins by telling a fable about a church with a “traditional worship problem.” Before I write anything else, let me ask you: given that description of the problem, what comes to mind?
The “traditional worship problem” could be the color of the carpet, or declining attendance, or not enough seats because of the growing attendance, or the organ needing repair, or almost anything in between.
To look at it from another angle, how much help could you give me if I asked you to help me with my “marriage problem?” Now what if I asked you to help me with “not having enough energy to plan weekly date nights?”
Without knowing anything about me or my wife, you could probably give me a few helpful pointers to address “not having enough energy to plan weekly date nights.” That, my friends, is the power of a problem that is defined, articulated, and agreed upon. Or in the words of John Dewey:
“A problem well stated is a problem half-solved.”
Leadership Lesson: unless you’ve agreed upon the problem, everyone is trying to solve something different
I think Jesus ran into this about fourteen million times in his ministry (according to back-of-the-napkin mathematics). It seems like everyone around Jesus is missing the point. For example, Mark 3:1-6 (NRSV):
1Again he entered the synagogue, and a man was there who had a withered hand. 2They watched him to see whether he would cure him on the sabbath, so that they might accuse him. 3And he said to the man who had the withered hand, “Come forward.” 4Then he said to them, “Is it lawful to do good or to do harm on the sabbath, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. 5He looked around at them with anger; he was grieved at their hardness of heart and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. 6The Pharisees went out and immediately conspired with the Herodians against him, how to destroy him.
Pharisees: “the problem is that people aren’t following our interpretation of God’s Law”
Jesus: “the problem is that people are separated from God”
This *minor* difference in defining the problem led the Pharisees to seek Jesus’ death even while Jesus is making us all children of God.
Do you have a problem? Before trying to solve it, state it well. Then you’ll at least be half-way there.
As G.I. Joe used to say, “Knowing is Half the Battle!”
Putting it into Practice
Have I stated the problem well enough that a random stranger could understand what’s going on?
Has my team of problem-solvers agreed on the definition of the problem together?
Could I use this insight in my family, not just my work?
How many artists do you know who rely on committees, consumer research, and group brainstorming to stoke the flames of their creativity?
I come from the Presbyterian tradition, and for some reason we believe that committees are the answer to everything. Now don’t get me wrong, here, because meetings can be very productive and separation of powers can save you from many evils. But a hammer is only useful in the right situations; sometimes you need a screwdriver or a drill.
For example, one study found that productivity at different organizations was primarily driven by how much privacy their employees had. The least productive organizations, by contrast, listed constant interruptions as a staple of their day. Even the physical space had an impact:
Studies show that open-plan offices make workers hostile, insecure and distracted. They’re also more likely to suffer from high blood pressure, stress, the flu and exhaustion. And people whose work is interrupted make 50 percent more mistakes and take twice as long to finish it
We even learn better when we’re alone. I never participated in study groups in school because I could make the same grade in 20% of the time it took to study in a group. According to the NYT article:
Solitude can even help us learn. According to research on expert performance by the psychologist Anders Ericsson, the best way to master a field is to work on the task that’s most demanding for you personally. And often the best way to do this is alone. Only then, Mr. Ericsson told me, can you “go directly to the part that’s challenging to you. If you want to improve, you have to be the one who generates the move. Imagine a group class — you’re the one generating the move only a small percentage of the time.
Leadership Lesson: use group discussion to progress incrementally; let individuals think on their own before coordinating to progress creatively
Now there is one huge exception to this rule of creative solitude. When people are coordinating their ideas through the Internet, productivity and creativity usually increase with bigger groups, and the bigger the group the bigger the increase. The physical distance and non-verbal communication mean each individual must work on their own before trying to coordinate with the group. It allows us to be “alone together.”
Jesus was a very relational guy, but he made a habit of spending alone time with God. For example, Luke 5:15-16 (NRSV) says “15But now more than ever the word about Jesus spread abroad; many crowds would gather to hear him and to be cured of their diseases. 16But he would withdraw to deserted places and pray.”
There are times when we need to be together, and there are times when we need to be alone. It takes wisdom to know what is needed when.
Putting it into Practice
Do I need to coordinate, tweak, or improve incrementally? I should use a team.
Do I need to be creative, think outside the box, or move quickly? I should let individuals think on their own before coordinating.
Can I use the “alone together” idea by having everyone submit individual written thoughts/proposals before we meet together?
Our church ran an event where a group of students donated a bunch of their time to help out a ministry they normally never interact with. The event had some extra money at the end, so I suggested they buy a gift card for the team leader to say “thank you.” They declined, fearing the other students would be angry that they were left out. I then suggested that they either buy something for everyone or find another way to meaningfully thank these students. They still said no.
I later spoke with the team leader, and he said that he probably wouldn’t ever do that kind of event again because he didn’t feel appreciated and it was outside his normal passion area.
There was one silver lining, however. One of the participants came up and told him that she saw God working through him. That stuck with him and made it worth it.
Leadership Lesson: a meaningful “thank you” is a powerful motivator
Researchers at Stony Brook University (link to article) recently looked at something similar by asking what makes people keep contributing to Wikipedia (rather than stopping), and what increases their productivity. The grand summary?
expressions of appreciation by other Wikipedia contributors, including awards, helped to fuel what they called a “spirit of generosity.”
In other words, when someone was recognized and praised for their good work by someone who was qualified to evaluate their work, they stayed connected and became WAY more productive for a very long time.
All it took was an informal digital award that gets displayed on their profile page. Not money. Not gift cards. Not a certificate or plaque. A pretty picture to show on your online profile.
How much of an impact did this make?
The team concluded that receiving a barnstar increased productivity by 60 percent and made contributors six times more likely to receive additional barnstars from other community members, revealing that informal rewards significantly impact individual effort.
Putting it into Practice
There are two basic differences between my story and the research article. In my story, the leader received a personal and private “thank you.” In the research article, contributors received a personal and public“thank you.”
How can I thank someone publicly? Privately?
Who has recently made a significant contribution? How can I thank them publicly or privately?
Who has recently started and hit an early milestone? How can I keep them motivated with a “thank you?”
