March 10, 2019 – “The Art of Forgiving: Desire and Decision” by Rev. Cody Sandahl
Lay Reader = 2 Chronicles 7:11-16
11Thus Solomon finished the house of the Lord and the king’s house; all that Solomon had planned to do in the house of the Lord and in his own house he successfully accomplished.
12Then the Lord appeared to Solomon in the night and said to him: “I have heard your prayer, and have chosen this place for myself as a house of sacrifice. 13When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among my people, 14if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 15Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place. 16For now I have chosen and consecrated this house so that my name may be there forever; my eyes and my heart will be there for all time.
Introduction
On Ash Wednesday we started a new series for the Lenten season. As we journey toward the cross with Jesus we are looking at the art of forgiving. Quick poll here. Anyone here ever needed forgiveness before? Raise your hand. How about anyone here ever needed to grant forgiveness to someone else? Raise your hand. Yeah, this applies to all of us.
As most of you know, the New Testament was written in Greek, and the Greek word that we translate “forgiveness” is a word with a lot of range. Maybe the closest analog in English might be the word “release.” It could mean release the ball when you throw it. It could mean release someone from bondage. It could mean release someone from debt. It could mean release someone emotionally – to let them go. It could mean that you’ve been released from work – laid off. Forgiveness is like that in Greek. Context is everything.
As we talk about forgiveness, I do want us to keep three terms distinct in our minds. When we’re talking about “forgiveness,” we’re generally talking about releasing a debt or burden. That may be external – like forgiving a debt or not counting a person’s past actions against them anymore. That may be internal – no longer harboring the ill will you have toward someone or no longer expecting them to make it up to you so you can just move on. So forgiveness is when there is a physical or emotional imbalance, and you decide to write off the portion that is owed to you. That’s forgiveness generally.
Reconciliation is very different. Reconciliation is when a strained or estranged relationship is restored. Where forgiveness is about eliminating the imbalance, reconciliation is about restoring harmony. It’s another level up the food chain. But reconciliation also requires action by everyone involved. One person can forgive another on their own. One person can’t reconcile a relationship – it takes two to tango. So forgiveness gets rid of an imbalance. Reconciliation establishes a new and harmonious pattern in a relationship.
And that brings us to repentance, which Jesus mentions in our main text today. To repent generally means to turn around. It requires recognizing that you’re on the wrong path or headed the wrong way. And it requires some kind of pivot – a turn toward a different path or a different direction. You can’t repent if you still think you’re right.
So forgiveness is one person eliminating an imbalance. Reconciliation is when everyone establishes new, healthier patterns to restore a relationship. And repentance is when someone realizes they’re on the wrong track and they turn around.
So without further ado, here’s Jesus on the subject. And he has something to say about all three of those concepts.
Luke 17:3-6
3Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. 4And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive.” 5The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” 6The Lord replied, “If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.
Unreasonable
If you are ever in the market for some academic entertainment – which I admit is a pretty small market – take a look at how Rabbis debate. It is so fascinating to see the tiny details they use that I would never even pick up. For instance, Rabbis in Judaism came to a definition of reasonable forgiveness. They concluded that God wanted us to forgive three times. And they didn’t just pick this number out of thin air. There are several places in the Old Testament where God forgives us – and I quote – “again and again.” So if God forgives, and then God forgives again, and then forgives again – three times! So forgive…again and again…just like God. Three times. Done! Very tidy. Very reasonable.
But I’m going to let you in on a secret. It might be a little blasphemous, so don’t tell anyone else. Just between you and me – Jesus can be a little unreasonable. Have you ever noticed that? Reasonable is not a word I would use to describe Jesus. Jesus doesn’t seem to embrace “reasonable” forgiveness. He’s downright unreasonable.
In the Gospel of Matthew, Peter asks Jesus about forgiveness and offers to forgive someone SEVEN times. He’s two-and-a-half times as generous as the reasonable Rabbis. And Jesus replies that he has to forgive seventy times seven times – that’s unreasonable, Jesus!
And in our text today Jesus ups the ante. “If the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive.” That’s unreasonable, Jesus!
Motivation #1: Not Useful
Now many of you have heard this before. It may not even shock you or trouble you any more. But are you doing it? Or more likely, why aren’t we offering such unreasonable forgiveness given that many of us have heard about it for decades?
My New Testament professor in seminary told us to think about the root of the problem. Are we not offering unreasonable forgiveness because we lack the knowledge? If you’ve heard sermons about forgiveness before, you probably have the knowledge that Jesus wants you to forgive people.
Do we choose not to offer unreasonable forgiveness because we lack the ability? Well, I don’t think so. Forgiveness isn’t like some physical achievement that requires special genetics. The ability to forgive isn’t like height or speed that is just the luck of the draw. Everyone can choose to forgive. We all have the ability.
Is the problem that we lack the opportunity? No way – we all have had to forgive someone, and we all have needed forgiveness from someone. So we have the opportunity.
But what about motivation and willpower? Aha! Now we get to the problem. I believe we do not offer Jesus’ unreasonable forgiveness because we don’t want to. Or if we do want to we lack the commitment to see it through.
So why would you want to do this? Why would you want to offer Jesus’ unreasonable forgiveness? Why would you desire it?
Two years ago, Ben Stern decided he needed a roommate. At age 95, he was still pretty spry and independent, but he could use a little company around the house after his wife had to go to a nursing home. So he found a roommate: 31-year-old Leah Hitefeld. But this arrangement had a few more interest twists beyond the sixty year age gap between the roommates. Ben Stern was a Holocaust survivor – he lived through NINE separate concentration camps. But his whole family wasn’t so lucky. And Leah’s parents and grandparents are German. But not just German, her grandfather was an active Nazi. That had to make for an interesting get to know you moment when they first started living together.
CBS interviewed them, and as Leah was talking about her grandfather, she broke down in tears. But Ben jumped in, saying, “Leah is not guilty for what her grandparents did.” In the interview, he shared that for years he was consumed by his anger and hate for the Germans. But he eventually wanted to let it go. It stopped being useful for him. He thought it was hurting him to fester that hate – even though it was very deserved. He said that the opportunity to welcome Leah into his home was the perfect way to bring his history to completion – to close that chapter with hope in what humans can become, not just disgust at the worst that humans can do.
You might want to offer Jesus’ unreasonable forgiveness because the hatred and resentment you’re still harboring – even if it’s deserved – is starting to harm you. If you realize that’s happening, that’s a motivation to forgive. I’ve heard so many variations on Ben Stern’s story – sometimes it’s releasing anger at someone who hurt you. Sometimes it’s releasing anger at someone who undermined you. Sometimes it’s releasing anger at someone who ignored you. When that anger or bitterness stops being useful to you, when it starts interfering with your life or your heart – that’s motivation to forgive.
Motivation #2: Opportunity Cost
Here’s another motivation to forgive. Let’s imagine that someone annoyed you or slighted you or wronged you. And you’re steaming mad about it. So you call up a friend or grab your spouse and you tell them all about it! For the next hour you cover it from every angle. And you’re still mad, so you call up someone else to share your thoughts. So another hour later, you’re still mad, and you now have two less hours for your life or for fun things.
Time is the most non-renewable resource. Every minute you spend on one activity is a minute you’re not spending on another activity. So let’s imagine you’re at the end of your life. You’re talking to Peter in heaven on your way through the pearly gates, and Peter gives you a rundown of how much time you spent on each activity in your life.
Sleeping – 229,961 hours.
Eating and drinking – 32,098 hours.
Driving – 37,935 hours.
Working – 90,360 hours.
Watching videos on the Internet – 28,300 hours.
How many hours do you hope you spent on vengeance? How many hours do you hope you spent on shaking your fist at what someone did to you?
Every hour you spend not forgiving someone is an hour you could have spent on something else in your life. Like watching more videos on the Internet.
In economics that’s called Opportunity Cost – what opportunity am I losing out on because of what I’ve chosen to do instead. When you realize you could be doing better things with your time – that’s another motivation to forgive.
Motivation #3: Jesus
If you aren’t quite ready to admit that hanging onto your bitterness or anger is harming you, and if you’re not quite ready to admit that you could be spending your time on better things, let me give you one final potential motivation to forgive. Jesus tells us to forgive.
Sometimes Jesus says forgive without condition – in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus just says to forgive no matter what. The context in that one was Peter asking how often we have to forgive when someone sins against us. Jesus says, unconditionally, always.
In our text today, the focus is a little different. He’s talking about helping another person actually change their behavior. And remember we defined repentance as turning around because you realize you’re wrong. So here Jesus is saying that we are supposed to help people change, not just say everything’s OK.
So in Matthew, Jesus says we have to forgive always unconditionally. And in our text from Luke, Jesus is saying that when you’re trying to help someone change, you can’t quit just because they failed once or twice or three times or seven times. As long as they realize they’re messing up and want to change – that’s repentance – keep at it. Don’t give up on them.
And that’s a reflection of how God interacts with us. Do you have any part of your life that would be on your spiritual TODO list for the last year, or two, or ten, or thirty? As long as we keep seeking God’s face, even though we fail seven times a day, God forgives. And Jesus commands us to do the same.
Over and over again, Jesus tells to forgive and we will be forgiven. Do not judge lest we be judged. Show mercy so that we may receive mercy. As Carol reminded us on Ash Wednesday, in the Lord’s Prayer Jesus taught us to pray, “forgive us our debts AS WE FORGIVE our debtors.” So when Jesus tells us to forgive, it is motivation because we need forgiveness, too. Jesus’ offer of forgiveness to us and his command to forgive is another motivation for us to forgive.
Summary
Sisters and brothers, granting and receiving forgiveness starts with an inner desire. When we grant forgiveness, we must start with the inner desire – the realization that not forgiving isn’t working for us. And when we need forgiveness we must start with the inner desire – the realization that we need to turn around and repent – we’re going the wrong way. Both granting and receiving forgiveness start with a change in our inner attitudes. A change in our motivation. A desire for something different.
So what are you still hanging onto? Is it working for you? Amen.
