codysandahl

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First Reading = Acts 2:36-47

36Therefore let the entire house of Israel  know with certainty that God has made him both Lord and Messiah, this  Jesus whom you crucified.”

37Now when they heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and to the other apostles, “Brothers, what should we do?” 38Peter said to them, “Repent, and be  baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins  may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39For the promise is for you, for your children, and for all who are far away, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to him.” 40And he testified with many other arguments and exhorted them, saying, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.” 41So those who welcomed his message were baptized, and that day about three thousand persons were added.

42They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43Awe came upon everyone, because many wonders and signs were being done by the apostles. 44All who believed were together and had all things in common; 45they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46Day by day, as they spent much time  together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with  glad and generous hearts, 47praising God and having the goodwill of  all the people. And day by day the Lord added to their number those who  were being saved.

Introduction

It is a bit surreal preaching a “final sermon.” I have long vowed that I would know I was a successful pastor if I set the church up to thrive without me. So today I want to summarize what I hope you’ve heard and seen and grown with me over the last seven years. And so for the next seven hours together…just kidding! I actually don’t think my core message has been all that complicated. But here’s a reminder.

Our two texts today are from the early parts of the book of Acts. This is the time after Easter when the early church started to form. Our first text was the literal founding of the church in Jerusalem. And our main text today features Jesus’ final words on earth before he went to heaven. This was his “final sermon” in a sense.

So, yes. For my final sermon I’m reading Jesus’ final sermon. Is that cheating? Or is that working smarter instead of harder? I’ll leave that as an exercise for the hearer.

Sermon Text = Acts 1:1-11

1In the first book, Theophilus, I wrote about all that Jesus did and taught from the beginning 2until the day when he was taken up to  heaven, after giving instructions through the Holy Spirit to the  apostles whom he had chosen. 3After his suffering he presented himself  alive to them by many convincing proofs, appearing to them during forty  days and speaking about the kingdom of God. 4While staying with them, he ordered them  not to leave Jerusalem, but to wait there for the promise of the Father.  “This,” he said, “is what you have heard from me; 5for John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.”

6So when they had come together, they asked him, “Lord, is this the time when you will restore the kingdom to Israel?” 7He replied, “It is not for you to know the times or periods that the Father has set by his own authority. 8But you will receive power when the Holy  Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in  all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” 9When he had said this, as they were watching, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. 10While he was going and they were gazing up toward heaven, suddenly two men in white robes stood by them. 11They said, “Men of Galilee, why do you  stand looking up toward heaven? This Jesus, who has been taken up from  you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into  heaven.”

Batter Up

As the golf fans among us are well aware, the 2022 Masters at Augusta National concluded a couple of weeks ago. Now, imagine that you got to go to the Masters. And you decide you’re going to follow Jordan Spieth, chosen randomly with no influence from the fact that we’re both Texas Longhorns. So you’re following Spieth around from one hole to the next, enjoying his strong mid-range iron game. This is the player you came to watch!

Can you see the greens in your mind’s eye? And then, imagine that Jordan Spieth comes over to you. He motions to his caddie. The caddie reaches into Spieth’s bag, and pulls out…a baseball bat? Spieth hands you the bat, pats you on the shoulder, and calls out, “Batter up!” before walking away. And suddenly you’re playing a baseball game in the middle of Augusta National golf course. Would that be weird? That wasn’t where you thought I was going, was it?

That’s what I imagine Jesus’ followers felt in our text today. Here’s what they expected: “Lord, is this the time when you will restore the kingdom to Israel?” They came to watch the all-time-great Jesus play golf. They came to watch Jesus kick out the Romans and restore the kingdom to Israel.

And instead, Jesus handed them a baseball bat and said, “Batter up!” More specifically, he said, “you will receive power when the Holy  Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in  all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” And then he disappeared into heaven.

They came to watch Jesus. So they asked him, “Is now the time when YOU will do it, Jesus?.” But Jesus replied, “No, YOU will receive power and YOU will be my witnesses.” This is like a game of ministry hot potato! But Jesus left the disciples holding the ministry. Jesus literally disappeared from their midst so they couldn’t just watch him do it. They came to watch Jesus play golf, and instead he handed them a baseball bat and sent them to the plate.

They were flabbergasted! “Jesus, now’s a terrible time to disappear! Jesus, you have so much more to do! Jesus, there’s so much that you can do that we can’t! Jesus, we need you!” But he said they would have the power of the Holy Spirit, and they were the ones who needed to step up to the plate.

When Jesus had his disciples walk around with him for three years, he was trying to get them ready. He was trying to get them ready to swing, ready to step up to the plate, ready for when it was their turn. And that’s what a church is supposed to do as well – get everyone ready to step up to the plate. A church is a team of players, not the crowd watching the game. A pastor is the coach getting the players – you – ready to play.

Jesus handed us a bat. Jesus called our name in the batting order. Jesus sent us out onto the field. So step up to the plate. Batter up! It’s not time to sit back and watch someone else play. It’s time to grab a baseball bat and play ball!

Batter Up at FPCL

In a time of transition, here’s what usually happens. Usually, there are five or six key leaders in a church who step up and have to do everything. And a bunch of other people pull back so they can “wait and see” how things play out. So as these key leaders start doing even more than they were already doing, they wind up getting even less help from others. And then the finance committee starts seeing less donations and investments in the mission as people “wait and see” how things play out.

In the spirit of Jesus’ final words to his disciples on earth, I challenge this church not to “wait and see.” Don’t pull back. Don’t turn into a spectator or a pew potato. Grab your bat, step up to the plate, and get in the game. Don’t wait and see. Step up and make the future happen!

In our first text today, we heard how the very first Christian church was formed. It says they spent time in worship regularly. They spent time in their homes together discussing what they heard from the apostles. They spent time on their own in prayer. They spent time serving people around them and making wonders happen. They spent their resources to generously support those in need. They spent their time, their talent, and their treasure in the pursuit of a Christ-like life. That’s not “wait and see.” That’s “batter up!”

I challenge everyone hearing this to pick one thing. Pick one way you can step up. Pick one way you can get into the game or get more engaged in the game.

Can you step up to the plate in worship? If you come once a month, what about making it twice a month? If you come regularly, what about becoming a liturgist? I created sample templates you can say for each part of the worship service as a liturgist. You can literally pick between three options for every part, or write your own. Or sign up to bring snacks after worship some Sunday! Or sign up to be a greeter or usher on some Sundays! Committing to worship more frequently, engaging as a liturgist, or bringing snacks or being a greeter are all ways to step up to the plate in worship.

Can you step up to the plate in relationships? Our first text says they broke bread at home, ate together, had fellowship and prayers with glad and generous hearts. They were in groups where people knew them by name, knew how to pray for them specifically, and they must’ve been Presbyterian because they ate together, too! Do you have a group of people here who know how to pray for you specifically right now?

One of the men’s Bible studies just took a field trip and met at one of the guys’ homes with breakfast included. There is something qualitatively different about meeting in a home. There is something qualitatively different about sharing a meal. That’s what the early church did. If you don’t have a group of people who know you well enough to pray for you specifically right now, then step up to the plate by joining one of our groups. Many of them are in the bulletin, or call/email the church office to ask for more details. Step up to the plate in relationships.

Can you step up to the plate in serving? The Community Dinner is returning after a two-year COVID layoff. It’s returning THIS TUESDAY! Yay! Tell me this, though. Do you think Lynda Kizer and the Community Dinner team need more help or less right now? They need more help! They’re coming back from a two year hiatus! Many of the people on that team are also stepping up to the plate during this transition time. They need your help as a door greeter, as a table host, as a server, as clean up crew!

That ministry has been successful precisely because so many people have stepped up to the plate. When we sent out thank you cards a couple of years ago to everyone who participated, the cards filled the entire conference table in my office. They need you now, more than ever! Step up to the plate!

Vacation Bible School is coming up. Melissa needs more help, not less! Step up to the plate! From donations to being a shepherd or a game leader or a group leader or a craft person, that’s an all-hands-on-deck kind of ministry. Don’t make her chase you down. Step up to the plate!

We are so grateful that there are co-leaders for the Thanksgiving Dinner later this year. That’s another all-hands-on-deck kind of ministry. Roberta Wheeler and Stacey Ryan need you now more than ever! It takes a lot of people and time and donations to deliver meals to hundreds of people on Thanksgiving Day. Don’t make them chase you down. Don’t “wait and see.” Step up to the plate later this year!

If none of those fit you, here’s another way to get in the game. Think of one staff person and ask them, “What’s one thing I can do to help you?” Because the staff don’t need you less right now. They need you more. So helping a staff person is a way to step up to the plate.

I challenge everyone hearing this to pick one thing. Pick one way you can step up. Pick one way you can get into the game or get more engaged in the game. Don’t become a pew potato. Don’t go into “wait and see” mode. Step up to the plate! “Batter up!”

Summary

Now, we have a bunch of students and families joining us today from Heritage High School, so I don’t want to only address the First Pres Littleton folk. If you’re not a part of this church, how can you step up to the plate in your own life?

I was a guest speaker last week at the School of Mines for a campus ministry, and we had a little extra time at the end so one of the students asked me the classic, “What is the meaning of life?” I gave the cliché answer, but then I pivoted to what I actually believe is the meaning of life.

Each and every person was designed by God with particular spiritual DNA. You were designed by God very specifically. You are wonderfully made. The more you discover your spiritual DNA, the more you discover your divine design, the more you discover your Godly purpose for this phase of your life, well that’s the meaning of life for you. Live how the Creator made YOU. If you don’t know those things about yourself, spend some time discovering them. If you do know those things about yourself, live them. Live how God made YOU – with a particular spiritual DNA, a particular divine design, a particular way to point to God in this phase of life. That’s at least my approach to the meaning of life.

And that’s a way all of us can get out of the stands and into the game. Batter up! Amen.

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First Reading = John 13:1-17, 31-35

13Now before the festival of the  Passover, Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world  and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he  loved them to the end. 2The devil had already put it into the heart of Judas son of Simon Iscariot to betray him. And during supper 3Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God, 4got up from the table, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself. 5Then he poured water into a basin and  began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that  was tied around him. 6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” 7Jesus answered, “You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” 8Peter said to him, “You will never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” 9Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” 10Jesus said to him, “One who has bathed  does not need to wash, except for the feet, but is entirely clean. And  you are clean, though not all of you.” 11For he knew who was to betray him; for this reason he said, “Not all of you are clean.” 12After he had washed their feet, had put  on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, “Do you  know what I have done to you? 13You call me Teacher and Lord—and you are right, for that is what I am. 14So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. 16Very truly, I tell you, servants are not greater than their master, nor are messengers greater than the one who sent them. 17If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.

31When he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him. 32If God has been glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once. 33Little children, I am with you only a  little longer. You will look for me; and as I said to the Jews so now I  say to you, ‘Where I am going, you cannot come.’ 34I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. 35By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Introduction

This is the last in our series about good grief. Here’s a recap of where we’ve been in this series since March 2. Carol started it with a discussion on wrestling with God. Keep coming back to God as you process your grief – especially if you’re mad at God or don’t understand.

Then we talked about whether everything happens for a reason. We said not to ask “Why did this happen to me?” Instead, ask “Now that this has happened to me, how will I respond?”

Next we talked about how Jesus gives us hope right now, not just after we die. We can cry out to Jesus, who knows our pain personally.

After that, Blakeley shared that God knew you weren’t strong enough to handle this, which is why Jesus is always with us to carry us when we have nothing left.

And on Palm Sunday we talked about how time does not heal all wounds. When the situation is here to stay, we can ask, “how will I respond for the long term.”

Tonight we’re going to talk about our feelings. Some common cliches are, “I know how you feel.” Or “Don’t be sad when there’s so much to be grateful for.” Or even, “Who are you to be angry at God?” Let’s chat about those within the context of Maundy Thursday and Jesus’ journey to the cross.

Sermon Text = Matthew 26:36-46

36Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and agitated. 38Then he said to them, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and stay awake with me.” 39And going a little farther, he threw  himself on the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let  this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.” 40Then he came to the disciples and found them sleeping; and he said to Peter, “So, could you not stay awake with me one hour? 41Stay awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 42Again he went away for the second time and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” 43Again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. 44So leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words. 45Then he came to the disciples and said  to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? See, the hour is  at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46Get up, let us be going. See, my betrayer is at hand.”

Jesus Grieved

This will come as no surprise to you, but I am a fan of science fiction. And one of the absolute best is The Expanse. One of the characters is named Amos, and he has very little sense of right and wrong. But he wants to be on the good guys’ side. And he tells the captain, Holden, “You know, you’ve made some really terrible decisions. But you’re always trying to do what’s right. And you’re always trying to be a good man. I appreciate not having to worry about what side I’m on.” In other words, if Holden was doing it, it was good enough for Amos. Holden’s conscience was a guiding star for Amos.

What or who is a guiding star for you? There are some obvious answers, considering that we’re in a church on Maundy Thursday. Some might say that the Bible is their guiding star. That’s good. But it can be difficult, because there are a lot of things in the Bible that aren’t condoned in the Bible – you have to check the context! Especially in the Old Testament – a lot of what’s listed in the Bible is what not to do. So check the context!

But we don’t have to worry about that when it comes to Jesus. If Jesus did it or said it and we copy it, we’re on the right track.

And that’s my response to anyone who says we shouldn’t be sad because there’s so much to be grateful for, or so much to look forward to. Jesus knew he was going to rise again from the dead, and yet here in the Garden of Gethsemane he was “grieved and agitated…even to death.” In other places in the Gospels, Jesus weeps at his friend Lazarus’ tomb – even though he was about to raise him from the dead. Jesus looks over Jerusalem and weeps over the city that would turn on him soon. Jesus knew the bigger picture, the greater blessing, more than anyone. And yet he grieved. We can, too.

He could have ignored his emotions. He could have put on a brave face. He could have put on a mask because sons of God don’t cry. But he didn’t. He felt fully and openly. We can, too.

Jesus Kept Going

I was born with very little sentimentality. So of course the universe gave my son a double dose to keep up the average. He has all the feels. And he communicates them freely. So we try to tell him, “It’s OK to be sad, or angry, or upset. It’s not OK to throw your toys.” What we feel and what we do are related, but our actions can be different from our feelings. There’s a choice.

When I was in college, I played a very popular video game where you stole cars. It was a nice, Christian, wholesome video game. One day I realized a problem: whenever I drove my car in the real world right after playing that game, I felt like speeding and attempting power slides in my Saturn sedan. I felt like driving recklessly. I didn’t have to actually drive recklessly. In fact, I started giving myself a cool-down period between playing the game and driving my car so I wouldn’t be tempted to do something stupid. Not that college-age males every do anything stupid!

What we feel and what we do are related, but they don’t have to be identical. We have a choice on our actions.

In our text today, Jesus felt like walking away. He wanted the cup to pass from him. He went off to pray THREE TIMES for this burden to pass from him if possible. But he didn’t run away. Here’s what he said and did after all of those feelings, “See, the hour is  at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Get up, let us be going. See, my betrayer is at hand.”

He kept going, he faced the music, he didn’t let his emotions prevent him from doing what he needed to do. And so we can, too.

My pastor friend in Zimbabwe is focusing on that during Holy Week. He said that their theme this year is to keep on, even if it means going through the cross. Keep on – keep going. Don’t shut down. Keep on. Even if it means going through the cross. I think that’s powerful.

Jesus could have let his emotions overwhelm him. Jesus could have seen the burden coming at him and run away. But he didn’t. He kept on. He kept going. He did what he had to do even as he felt deeply. We can, too.

Jesus Maintained Focus

But how did Jesus manage to keep going, even through the cross? I believe we see in our text today that he remained ultimately focused on his identity, his purpose, and his relationship with God the Father. He never wavered on his identity. He never wavered on his purpose. He never walked away from God, even when praying for this cup to pass from him. He had laser focus on those things. That’s what enabled him to keep going despite the gravity of the moment and the incredible emotions he was feeling.

When I was in high school, one of the older guys on the tennis team offered to drive us young-uns around sometimes. But this was done at your own risk. Because he was a very outgoing guy. So outgoing, in fact, that he absolutely HAD to look you in the eye while talking to you – even while driving. So he would even turn around to face the people in the back seat of the car! He was driving with his knee, but after a few times of this I decided I didn’t really need a ride after all. He wasn’t focused on the road ahead!

Jesus knew exactly where his road would lead. But he was able to focus on the moment in front of him and face his betrayer. After that he could face the next moment. And the next moment. And the next moment. If we keep our eyes on the road in front of us – not all the scenery, not all the people in the back seat, not the gigantic mess we have to get through – just the next moment, then we can face it.

And when we know who we are, when we know what kind of person we are, when we know what kind of relationship we need to have with God, that next moment gets easier and clearer. Jesus maintained his focus instead of spinning off in a million directions and what-ifs, and we can, too.

Jesus Sought Community

Finally, Jesus brought in his imperfect community. Jesus brought his closest friends, but they don’t really come across as very helpful in this text. They kept falling asleep at the most critical hour. Typical! And yet Jesus still seeks this imperfect community. Jesus still brings in his imperfect friends. Jesus sought community – imperfect as it was – and we can, too. Many hands may make light work, but friends also lighten the burden of grief. Even if they’re imperfect friends.

Summary

Sisters and brothers, we can be sad. We can be mad. We can be frustrated. Jesus felt his emotions and didn’t hide them. We can, too.

But Jesus didn’t let those emotions run him. He was able to keep focused on the road ahead and who he was, and that let him keep on, even through the cross.

And when he was in his hour of deepest need, Jesus sought out his friends, his community – imperfect as they were.

We follow Jesus, who has known pain. We follow Jesus, who has needed community. We follow Jesus, who grieved and felt deeply. We follow Jesus, who managed to keep going, even through the cross. We can, too. Amen.

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First Reading = Luke 19:28-40

28After he had said this, he went on ahead, going up to Jerusalem. 29When he had come near Bethphage and Bethany, at the place called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of the disciples, 30saying, “Go into the village ahead of  you, and as you enter it you will find tied there a colt that has never  been ridden. Untie it and bring it here. 31If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ just say this, ‘The Lord needs it.’” 32So those who were sent departed and found it as he had told them. 33As they were untying the colt, its owners asked them, “Why are you untying the colt?” 34They said, “The Lord needs it.” 35Then they brought it to Jesus; and after throwing their cloaks on the colt, they set Jesus on it. 36As he rode along, people kept spreading their cloaks on the road. 37As he was now approaching the path down  from the Mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to  praise God joyfully with a loud voice for all the deeds of power that  they had seen, 38saying, “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven, and glory in the highest heaven!” 39Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, order your disciples to stop.” 40He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the stones would shout out.”

Introduction

We are almost done with our series about Good Grief. We have today plus Maundy Thursday to finish out the series. Just a reminder about the Holy Week schedule.

On Thursday at 7pm we have our Maundy Thursday service with Communion.

On Friday at noon we’re going to have a new experience for Good Friday. We will have the Scriptural stations of the cross that take you on each step of the journey from Jesus’ betrayal to his crucifixion. Each step has a Bible reading, a piece of art in the bulletin illustrating that part of the story, and then we will extinguish a candle after each station. It’s an emotionally and spiritually moving way to enter Good Friday.

Next Sunday is Easter! We’ll have two services at 8 and 10am. The kids are going to have a digital scavenger hunt at 9am to experience the Easter story. They’ll scan special printed codes with an app I developed, and then they will see 3D animations for each part of the story. We’ll provide the tablets, so bring your kids or grandkids or friends! And around 11:15 we have the traditional Easter egg hunt.

So pop quiz! What time is Maundy Thursday worship? 7 pm!

What time is the Good Friday scriptural stations of the cross? Noon!

What are the two Easter worship times? 8 and 10am!

When is the digital Easter scavenger hunt for the kids? 9 am!

And the Easter egg hunt? 11:15!

So don’t tell me you don’t have Holy Week options – because good grief do we got ‘em in spades.

And speaking of good grief, let’s get back to today. As we have done with each week of this series, we’re going to examine some common cliches and see what’s helpful, what’s unhelpful, and what tools can we learn to have good grief.

This week we’re going to look at cliches like, “It’ll all be OK,” and “It will get better.” Will it? Let’s chat about that!

Sermon Text = Revelation 21:1-6

21Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne  saying, “See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them  as their God; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with  them; 4he will wipe every tear from their eyes.  Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for  the first things have passed away.” 5And the one who was seated on the throne  said, “See, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this, for  these words are trustworthy and true.” 6Then he said to me, “It is done! I am the  Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will  give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life.

Real vs False Hope

Well, you know what they say – time heals all wounds. But as someone who was a chaplain on the infectious disease floor for a while, I have to protest. I have seen some very literal wounds that time did not heal. One man came in with a toe infection. They amputated the toe. It spread to his foot. He lost his foot. It spread up his leg. He lost his leg below the knee. I rotated off that floor around then, but the last meeting I had with him he heard it had spread higher up his leg.

That is what I remember every time someone tells me that time heals all wounds. It doesn’t. Time heals some wounds. Time makes some pain more bearable. But not every wound goes away. Not every pain fades away.

Similarly, I have seen this play out many times, but I’ll just tell you one. I was standing next to a woman who was revealing her recent cancer diagnosis. And another person in the group replied with a smile, “Well I’m sure it will all be OK.” In case you’re wondering, this person was not an oncologist. So they had absolutely ZERO clue if it would all be OK.

Now, technically, it’s correct to say that it will all be OK. As our reading today reminds us, God will remake earth and heaven. God will make his home among us. Everything will be redeemed. Some day. And if you come on Good Friday at noon you’ll hear Jesus say to the thief next to him, “Today you will be with me in paradise.” Just to be clear, that’s paradise after dying.

So, technically, telling someone it will surely be OK is correct. Telling someone that time heals all wounds is technically correct. But you might be telling someone, “Some day you’ll be dead, and then it will all be great!” I’m not sure that’s the most helpful thing we can tell someone.

So when we say these cliches, what are we really trying to say? Well I think this really comes down to having hope for today. When we say that time heals all wounds, we’re trying to encourage someone to have hope right now because it will be better in the future. When we say that it will surely be OK, we’re trying to encourage someone tot have hope right now because life doesn’t always have the worst possible outcome. In fact, from a 30,000 foot view, way more good than bad happens.

So the good part of these cliches is that other people are trying to encourage the grieving and frightened by giving them hope. That’s good! Giving people hope when they’re scared or hurting is good!

Lloyd wanted to know if there was any hope. So he asked Mary what the chances were of them ending up together. He told her, “Hit me with it! I’ve come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?” “Not good, Lloyd.”

“You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?” “I’d say, more like one out of a million.” <PAUSE>

“So, you’re telling me there’s a chance. Yeah!”

That’s the all-time cinema classic, “Dumb and Dumber,” featuring Jim Carrey, by the way.

I believe that telling someone it will all be OK or that time heals all wounds is like Mary telling Lloyd that there’s a chance. It might be one in a million, but there’s a chance! And everything will be OK, but you might be dead by the time it happens.

In short, I believe that trying to give someone hope is good. But it better be real hope instead of false hope. None of this one in a million, it will all be better even though I don’t know what I’m talking about stuff.

Real hope sustains people through the most difficult circumstances. False hope leaves you bitter and wrecked. It’s super common, but it’s kind of hard to watch when parents with sick children are early in the journey. This drug will be the miracle! This test will reveal the miracle surgical option! This second drug will be the one! No, this third one will surely be it! Sometimes it is. But in the circles I run in, a lot of the time it’s false hope.

It’s OK to say, “I hope this helps!” But when you pin all of your hopes on this being the miracle – most of the time it’s not. And then you’re emotionally drained or bitter. False hope is a fast way to wreck your heart and soul.

The Palm Sunday story is really about false hope. Remember the context. Israel was occupied and controlled by Rome. And the general expectation was that the Messiah would be a king like David. David was primarily known for defeating the enemy in battle. He slayed the giant Goliath. He defeated the Philistines over and over again. David turned a defeated people into a triumphant people. Oo-rah!

That was the crowd’s hope and expectation on Palm Sunday. They shouted “Hosannah,” which means “Save us!” They didn’t mean spiritually save us. They meant politically save us. They meant militarily save us. They meant save us from the Roman legions.

I have long wondered what sound the crowd was making when Jesus made his unexpected turn on Palm Sunday. He entered the city at the head of a frothing and expectant crowd. All he had to do was keep going straight to confront Pilate and the Roman garrison. But then he turned. I imagine some woman in the crowd had to yell out, “Jesus! The Romans are that way! Men never stop and ask for directions!”

But he didn’t go that way to the Romans, he turned. He went up to the Temple. He threw out the money changers who were taking advantage of people’s religion for financial gain. He demonstrated that he was there to bridge the gap between humans and God. But the crowd had hoped that he would convert this defeated people into a triumphant, independent, powerful nation.

I mean, imagine if a popular figure was heading to Ukraine. And everyone thought he was a general come to liberate them. But what if, instead of fighting the invaders, he went to a cathedral to give a sermon? How popular would that person be? They might crucify him – literally!

That’s the closest analogy I can give right now to how the crowd must have felt when Jesus went to the Temple on Palm Sunday instead of marching on the Romans. The false hope of what they meant by “Hosannah” on Palm Sunday quickly turned into the deadly “Crucify him!” on Good Friday.

You can’t find anything more valuable than real hope. And you can’t find anything less valuable than false hope. So if you want to comfort someone and help them keep their chin up because there’s hope – make sure it’s real hope.

Responding for the Long Term

And, you know, sometimes it really does get better. Sometimes the wound really is healed with time. That’s great. But let’s talk about the times it doesn’t get better. Let’s talk about when you’re facing something that you have to learn to live with.

I used to be in the habit of doing my devotional early in the day. But my kids are up at 6 at the latest. This night owl isn’t getting up at 5am to do his devotional. Sorry – it ain’t happening! Not even Lloyd’s one in a million chance on that one. I just had to find a different time. I just had to modify my approach, because the situation is not changing. I had to respond, not just once, but for the long term.

After injuring the same spot on my right knee several times, I realized I couldn’t play basketball any more. So I had to respond, not just once, but for the long term. I needed a different form of exercise that I would actually do. It has taken a few attempts, but I finally have a mix of exercise options that motivate me.

When our situation isn’t going to resolve itself, we have to respond for the long term. Earlier in this series we said we shouldn’t ask, “Why did this happen to me?” but instead ask, “Now that this has happened to me, how will I respond?” We can take that a step further today. “Now that this situation is here to stay, how will I respond for the long term?”

Let me say that again, “Now that this situation is here to stay, how will I respond for the long term?”

If you are a widow or a widower, time isn’t going to heal that wound completely. My pastoral care professor in seminary said that isn’t even the goal when we’ve lost a loved one. The goal isn’t to move on, it’s to move those memories and emotions into a mental room where you can choose to go when you want to laugh or cry or simply remember. So how can you respond for the long term? A lot of people find the holidays or birthdays or anniversaries to be particularly difficult times. That’s super normal. Can you schedule friends or family to be around during those high grief times proactively?

If you are a long-term caregiver, one of the hardest parts is just the relentlessness of it. How can you respond for the long term? What fills you? Where can you intentionally schedule some time for restoring your soul and giving your emotions a real break? If you get burned out every six weeks, is there anything you can do proactively?

My family spent spring break in Galveston on the beach. Hurricanes happen in the Gulf of Mexico. Floods happen on Texas’ barrier islands. So they build the houses close to the beach on stilts. The house we stayed at was about 17-18 feet in the air. That’s a lot of steps to get to your front door, but it’s responding for the long term. The houses that weren’t tall enough are gone now. They had false hope. The houses that were up high enough mostly survived the last hurricane. They took long term action and had real hope when the waters rose.

Instead of clinging to false hope, I recommend facing the reality of the situation and trying to figure out where you can find some stilts to respond for the long term.

But just think about one thing you can improve. If you’re lonely, what’s one thing you can do to improve it long term? If you’re sick, what’s one thing you can do to improve your experience long term? If you’re an in-home caregiver, what’s one thing you can do to stay partially sane for the long term?

“Now that this situation is here to stay, how will I respond for the long term?” Find some real hope, not false hope.

Summary

Sisters and brothers, in our text today from Revelation, Jesus tells us, “I am the  Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will  give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life.” Jesus is a never-ending stream of real hope to keep going. He doesn’t offer to fix everything – at least not while we’re alive. But he does offer to stay within our hearts and souls and minds to give us the ability to keep going – if we keep drinking from his never-ending stream. That’s a real hope.

And we can also respond for the long term to give ourselves more real hope. “Now that this situation is here to stay, how will I respond for the long term?” Amen.

View the Sermon and Song

First Reading = John 1:1-14

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was in the beginning with God. 3All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being 4in him was life, and the life was the light of all people.

5The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. 6There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. 8He himself was not the light, but he came to testify to the light. 9The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. 10He was in the world, and the world came into being through him; yet the world did not know him. 11He came to what was his own, and his own people did not accept him. 12But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, 13who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God. 14And the Word became flesh and lived  among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only  son, full of grace and truth.

Introduction

We are still in our series trying to cultivate good grief. Last week we talked about finding purpose even while suffering or grieving. We can’t change the past, but we can definitely influence the future. Instead of asking, “Why did this happen to me?”, we can ask “Now that this has happened to me, how will I respond?”

This week we are covering a different set of cliches that are often said to a grieving person. During this series we will try to unveil the good intentions behind many of the cliches along with the unhelpful side effects or simple incomplete picture of actually saying them to someone who is grieving. And then we’ll try to find some tools and principles for good grief. This week we’re going to start with, “There’s a better place.” When things are bad here, does it help your grieving to know that heaven is better? Let’s chat about that!

Our text today is from the book of Hebrews. This is an explanation of why Jesus came down from heaven. So this is why Jesus reversed the cliché, left the “better place,” and came down to live with us.

Sermon Text = Hebrews 2:10-18

10It was fitting that God, for whom  and through whom all things exist, in bringing many children to glory,  should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through sufferings. 11For the one who sanctifies and those who  are sanctified all have one Father. For this reason Jesus is not  ashamed to call them brothers and sisters, 12saying, “I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters, in the midst of the congregation I will praise you.” 13And again, “I will put my trust in him.” And again, “Here am I and the children whom God has given me.”

14Since, therefore, the children  share flesh and blood, he himself likewise shared the same things, so  that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death,  that is, the devil, 15and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by the fear of death. 16For it is clear that he did not come to help angels, but the descendants of Abraham. 17Therefore he had to become like his  brothers and sisters in every respect, so that he might be a merciful  and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make a sacrifice of  atonement for the sins of the people. 18Because he himself was tested by what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.

More Than Meets the Eye

I’ve shared before that my grandfather was in a wheelchair for the rest of his life after contracting polio as a young man. And he died when I was fairly young. But I do remember some moments from his funeral. Specifically, I remember having a brief vision of Gramps in heaven, and he was walking around on his own two legs. So I told my mom, “In heaven, Gramps can walk.”

And I do firmly believe that to be true. In all the Biblical visions of heaven, I don’t recall hearing about wheelchairs or rescue medications or the need for memory care or pain pills. And so I do believe it is accurate to say when one of the faithful has died, “At least they’re in a better place.” It’s true!

But let’s dig a little deeper. Because there’s an unhelpful way to use that phrase and a helpful way to use that phrase.

The core idea behind telling someone, “at least they’re in a better place” is that there’s more to reality than meets the eye. There’s the visible, but there’s also the invisible. There’s earth, but there’s also heaven. This whole Creation that God made has what we can see, but, like the Transformers cartoon show theme song taught me in elementary schol, there’s “More than meets the eye.”

That’s the core idea behind similar cliches like “this life is not our home,” or “it will all be better in heaven,” or “I’m just passing through on my way to heaven.” They’re all saying that God made more than we can see. And that’s true.

In fact, Philippians 3 tells us this directly. Paul writes, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”

So there you have it! We are citizens of heaven, and our lowly bodies will become glorious. Sign me up! And hopefully I can have a glorious body in heaven while still eating chocolate donuts. If there’s no chocolate donuts up there…I don’t know!

So it can be helpful and comforting to remember that there’s more going on than meets the eye. It can be helpful and comforting to remember that death is not the end. It can be helpful and comforting to remember that some day all of our tears will be wiped from our eyes. It can be helpful and comforting when we are troubled by injustice to remember that God has a longer timeline than we do for rectifying that. Like the Transformers, there’s more than meets the eye!

But that doesn’t mean that we should stop crying today. That doesn’t mean we should stop worrying about injustice today. That doesn’t mean we should stop investing in this visible world today. That doesn’t mean our “lowly bodies” are like those disposable paper Dixie cups ready to be thrown out in the garbage bin of history.

Valuable Bodies and Lives

Because these bodies and these lives we live and this planet we’re on all matter. Jesus didn’t become a disposable Dixie cup. He became flesh and blood and dwelt among us. We might be citizens of heaven, but this world and these lives and these bodies and our joys and pains and tears and triumphs matter!

Even that passage I read from Philippians 3 that says we’re citizens of heaven, how does it end? “[he] will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.” That means our bodies still matter in eternity. We’re not disembodied spirits floating around forever, we have glorious bodies, Paul says! That’s what happens at the final redemption in the book of Revelation, too. There’s a new earth and a new heaven – both are re-created – and we receive resurrected bodies.

These bodies matter! The physicists in our midst are thinking, “These bodies are matter,” which is true, but they also matter! Our lives matter! So we might be citizens of heaven, but that doesn’t mean our time here on earth is just busy work. That doesn’t mean a grieving person shouldn’t be sad! That doesn’t mean our losses are trivial! They matter!

But there’s still more going on than meets the eye – on earth, as it is in heaven. In 1809, many people waited with baited breath to hear the latest news about the battles waged across Europe by Napoleon and his armies. Everyone thought the most important events were the epic battles of 1809. Question for you: can you name any battles from 1809? Waterloo wasn’t until 1815 , so no dice on that one!

But elsewhere in the world in 1809, some families were welcoming some tiny, unknown babies into the world. Abraham Lincoln. Charles Darwin. Composer Felix Mendelssohn. Poet Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Have you heard of any of those little babies born while the world was focused on Napoleon’s campaign of 1809?

We might be focused on our battles, while God is birthing something new at the same time. And these new births, whether literal or figurative, aren’t in heaven. They’re right here on earth. The Good News is not that we can forget our bodies and lives because they’re just the caterpillar phase of our eventual butterfly nature. No, the Good News is that Jesus affirmed and redeemed our bodies and existence right here on earth.

Here’s how our reading from Hebrews puts it, “Because he himself was tested by what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.” That doesn’t say that we should just move on from our grief because heaven is so much better. It says Jesus suffered, so he knows how to help us in our suffering right now here on earth. Very different message.

So again, it is true that some day it will be better. It is true that our eternal destiny is more glorious than what we have here. And if that comforts you in your grief, hold onto that because it’s true! But Jesus also came to redeem our lives right here on earth.

No matter the situation, hope is not lost, because God is at work here on earth as he is in heaven. Jesus took on flesh because God cares about our bodies and lives and tears and sufferings. There’s more than meets the eye right now, because God is at work right now. So you don’t have to sweep your pain under the rug and wait for that better someday, you can cry out to Jesus who knows suffering!

Incarnation

One of the most influential early church theologians and preachers was Origen. And he said that when Jesus came in person, it was like God shrank himself down to a size that people could actually see.

Ancient scholars tried to figure out the size and shape of the world. Eratosthenes measured the shadow cast by the sun at noon in two distant cities. Using a stick and some math, he calculated the circumference of the Earth in 276 BC, and he was only off by 0.1%. He was so smart, we still remember his genius 2200 years later.

But 2200 years ago, it took a historical genius to figure out the earth’s size and shape. On the other hand, we have a globe in my younger son’s room. We were playing with it just a few days ago. He can see that the earth is a sphere, that it has a tilt to its axis, that it spins, the proportions of the different landmasses. No math required. He can just see it, because the globe is a shrunk down version of the earth.

Like a globe, Jesus is God shrunk down to the size that we can finally grasp who God is without having to be generational geniuses. And he didn’t come as a set of ideas. He came as a person. Our first text says he “became flesh and dwelt among us.” In theology, this is called the incarnation, and it is one of the most important concepts in our faith.

Michael Spencer wrote, “Without the incarnation, Christianity isn’t even a very good story, and most sadly, it means nothing. “Be nice to one another” is not a message that can give my life meaning, assure me of love beyond brokenness, and break open the dark doors of death with the key of hope. The incarnation is an essential part of Jesus-shaped spirituality.”

There is so much more than meets the eye. There is so much more going on than we can see. But that’s not because this world is just a blip on the radar. It’s because God himself took on flesh and dwelt among us and that sent out shock waves that are still shaping us to this day.

Good grief doesn’t hide the tears because heaven is our home. Good grief weeps, knowing that Jesus took on flesh and wept – and he weeps with us still. Good grief doesn’t pretend that our struggles don’t matter since we’re just on our way to heaven. Good grief wrestles with the struggles, knowing that Jesus struggled – and he wrestles with our struggles still. Good grief embraces the fact that Jesus was a person with a body who valued bodily people and displayed shocking acts of love in this very physical world. That’s the incarnation.

The incarnation is the difference between saying, “God gave us some good advice,” and saying, “God is personally on our team.” Broncos fans, would you have been excited if Russell Wilson wrote a nice book about quarterbacking in the NFL and gave it to the Broncos? Probably not. Are you excited that he’s on your team? Probably so. That’s the difference between seeing the Bible as God’s playbook and seeing the Bible as the story of God who came in the flesh in Jesus to be one of us and redeem us from within.

Things will be better in heaven, no doubt. My gramps can walk in heaven – no wheelchair needed. Seizures won’t be in heaven. Dementia won’t be in heaven. All of that is true. That’s good news. If that comforts you, hold on to that. It’s true, it’s real. Hold onto it.

But while that’s good news, it’s only good news in the future. The good news for today is that Jesus is with us, bodies and grieving and pain and all, right now. Sure, we have an unseen hope in the by and by. But we also have an unseen hope through the bodily incarnation of Jesus made present to us through the Holy Spirit. And that’s good news for today.

Because Jesus became flesh and dwelt among us, we can cry out to Jesus. We don’t have to cry out to a set of ideas. We don’t have to cry out to some dry words on a page. We don’t have to cry out alone or in silence or pretending that it’s OK because it will all be OK someday. We can cry out to Jesus. Jesus who wept. Jesus who weeps. Jesus who is here. Jesus who is one of us.

In the context of good grief, I think the song “Cry Out to Jesus” by Mac Powell says it better than I can.

<PLAY AND SING “Cry Out to Jesus”>

[Verse]

To everyone who’s lost someone they love, Long before it was their time. You feel like the days you had were not enough, when you said goodbye.

And to all of the people with burdens and pains, Keeping you back from your life. You believe that there’s nothing and there is no one, Who can make it right.

[Chorus]

There is hope for the helpless. Rest for the weary. Love for the broken heart. There is grace and forgiveness. Mercy and healing. He’ll meet you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus.

For the marriage that’s struggling just to hang on, They lost all of their faith in love. They’ve done all they can to make it right again, Still it’s not enough.

For the ones who can’t break the addictions and chains, You try to give up but you come back again. Just remember that you’re not alone in your shame, And your suffering.

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

When you’re lonely, And it feels like the whole world is falling on you. You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus!

[Verse]

To the widow who struggles with being alone, Wiping the tears from her eyes. For the children around the world without a home, Say a prayer tonight…

[Chorus]

View the Sermon

First Reading = Luke 6:27-38

27“But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29If anyone strikes you on the cheek,  offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not  withhold even your shirt. 30Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you. 32“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34If you lend to those from whom you hope  to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to  receive as much again. 35But love your enemies, do good, and  lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you  will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and  the wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

37“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; 38give, and it will be given to you. A  good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put  into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get  back.”

Introduction

This is the last sermon in our series about real relationships. Last week we heard how real relationships have to embrace conflict directly and quickly. Triangles are great for engineering and terrible for human relationships. This week I thought we could have a nice, light topic to end the series, so I went with sacrifice.

Now, obviously Jesus sacrificed for us. That would be way too obvious to focus on today. Instead, I want to focus on sacrifice within our earthly relationships. Why should we sacrifice for others? Why should we go out of our way for others? Let’s find out.

Sermon Text = 1 Corinthians 9:15-27

15But I have made no use of any of  these rights, nor am I writing this so that they may be applied in my  case. Indeed, I would rather die than that—no one will deprive me of my  ground for boasting! 16If I proclaim the gospel, this gives me  no ground for boasting, for an obligation is laid on me, and woe to me  if I do not proclaim the gospel! 17For if I do this of my own will, I have a reward; but if not of my own will, I am entrusted with a commission. 18What then is my reward? Just this: that  in my proclamation I may make the gospel free of charge, so as not to  make full use of my rights in the gospel.

19For though I am free with respect to all, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I might win more of them. 20To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order  to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law  (though I myself am not under the law) so that I might win those under  the law. 21To those outside the law I became as one  outside the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under  Christ’s law) so that I might win those outside the law. 22To the weak I became weak, so that I  might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might  by all means save some. 23I do it all for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings.

24Do you not know that in a race the runners all compete, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win it. 25Athletes exercise self-control in all things; they do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable one. 26So I do not run aimlessly, nor do I box as though beating the air; 27but I punish my body and enslave it, so that after proclaiming to others I myself should not be disqualified.

Feeling for Others

Well a few weeks ago I scoured the Internet trying to find out how well some men with impressive-looking mullets could sweep some ice. And I was so disappointed to find out that my team had lost a heart-breaker in the bronze medal game. I even groaned out loud. Another medal opportunity lost for good ol’ Team USA.

Now, you might wonder how I came to care about Olympic curling. And, honestly, I don’t. I only care because they’re on Team USA. Is it a kind of silly-looking sport that I have virtually no knowledge of? Yes! Did I care enough to track down the results and verbally groan when I found out we lost? Yes! Why? Because that’s my team! Team USA!

In a similar fashion, I keep tabs on the latest news coming out of the Denver Broncos organization. Do you know how many times I went out of my way to learn about the Broncos before I moved here? Never! I didn’t care. But now that I live here, they are at least on my periphery of caring.

And I do have to issue you a formal apology on that. The Broncos won the Super Bowl three months before I moved here, and I have clearly brought bad luck because they’ve stunk since I came. So please accept my apology on that. My Texas Longhorns have stunk longer than that, though, so at least I spread my bad luck around evenly.

I care about the Broncos because this is my town and they are this town’s football team. I care about Team USA curling – mullets and all – because they’re on my country’s team.

In our text today, Paul says that he has become very skilled at becoming a true fan of other people’s teams.

To the Jews, he is a flag-waving Jew. He knows what excites them. He knows what upsets them. He cares about the things they care about.

To those who feel like their faith is defined by rigid rules, Paul can speak their language. He knows how to speak to them. He knows what trips them up. He cares about the things they care about.

To those who feel like life is just a party so live it up while you can, Paul knows how to get their heads nodding in agreement. He knows their desires. He knows their fears. He cares about the things they care about.

He can identify with the weak. He can identify with the strong. He knows what motivates so many different teams. In fact, he says he cares just as much as if he were on that team himself. If we’re cheering for the Broncos, Paul knows how to reminisce about the Orange Crush and Elway and Manning and the No Fly Zone. He puts in the time to learn about the team, and then he truly cares.

That’s what it means when he says in our text today, “To the Jews I became as a Jew…to those under the law I became as one under the law…to those outside the law I became as one outside the law…”

This does NOT mean that Paul changed his behavior and values depending on the circumstances. In fact, when Paul saw Peter behaving differently with different groups of people in Galatians 2, Paul called him out to his face. No, this means that Paul taught himself how to care so deeply and understand so deeply that he was practically on their team.

But he cared without compromising his values. He cared and empathized and felt deeply for others without becoming a chameleon. The effort he put in to truly understand and feel deeply for others? That’s what he calls making himself a slave to all.

Several years ago, I was in someone’s office who had a long-time personal assistant. As we were talking, a light knock could be heard before the assistant came in. She brought coffee made just the way he wanted it. She reminded him that he had another appointment in about fifteen minutes. When I emailed him a few weeks later, she answered on his behalf. She had learned what helped him the most, and she knew him well enough that she was entrusted to speak for him on email. That attention to detail is what Paul is talking about. He put in the time to become as well-versed as someone’s personal assistant. Side note – it would be really nice to have a personal assistant. Gotta work on that! If only they didn’t want to be paid…

That’s how Paul developed real relationships that brought people to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. He got to know them so well, he was like a personal assistant who didn’t even need to be asked to do something. He just knew already. The time he put in to understand people at that deep level? That’s a form of sacrifice. He gave them his most precious resources – time and attention. He sacrificed those precious things for others. And in so doing he modeled the sacrificial love of Christ.

The Emperor Julian was a fervent critic of Christians in Roman society in the 300’s. He wrote a letter criticizing how the church operated. He wrote angrily… “These impious Galileans (Christians) not only feed their own, but ours also; welcoming them with their agape, they attract them, as children are attracted with cakes….Whilst the pagan priests neglect the poor, the hated Galileans devote themselves to works of charity, and by a display of false compassion have established and given effect to their pernicious errors. Such practice is common among them, and causes contempt for our gods.”

In other words, Julian was crying out, “How dare they sacrifice for others! That’s neither right nor fair! They’re making my gods look bad!”

Have you gotten to know anyone outside your family so well that you could practically be on their team? Would Emperor Julian be mad at you because you’re devoting yourself to compassion that brings people into a relationship with Jesus? Would Paul look at what we’re doing and think we’re going far enough to understand and feel what others feel?

In short, are we demonstrating truly sacrificial love in our relationships?

Sacrifice is Hard

Augustine of Hippo, the great North African bishop, defined sacrifice as “the surrender of something of value for the sake of something else.” Which begs the question, what are we willing to sacrifice, and for whom?

My wife and I worked out a system long ago where we can call each other two times in a row to indicate an emergency. No matter what we’re doing, we should pick up that second call. That’s giving someone else the power to interrupt you – that’s a form of sacrifice.

There are some phone calls I will pick up, even if it’s not a convenient time. That’s a form of sacrificial love.

When there are new births in this church or difficult deaths and people rally to bring meals? That’s a form of sacrificial love.

When someone’s tired, but they said they would lead Bible study tonight or go to the youth group meeting so they do it anyway? That’s a form of sacrificial love.

To use Augustine’s words, whenever we surrender something of value for someone else, we’re demonstrating sacrificial love. This doesn’t have to be on the level of Jesus on the cross. It can be listening to someone complain even if you’re tired. It can be calling someone who is going through a rough patch even if you’re busy. It can be intentionally meeting someone new at church instead of just chatting with your normal crew. It can be intentionally choosing a good attitude while you’re running errands even when you feel annoyed or angry at life.

Samuel Craig delivered a sermon in the 1950’s about imitating the incarnation of Jesus. He said, “Self-sacrifice means not indifference to our times and our fellows: it means absorption in them. It means forgetfulness of self in others. It means entering into every man’s hopes and fears, longings and despairs: it means manysidedness of spirit, multiform activity, multiplicity of sympathies.” Whenever we are willing to forget ourselves for the sake of others, that’s a form of sacrificial love.

So what are you willing to surrender for the sake of someone else? Where are you willing to forget yourself for the sake of someone else. That’s sacrificial love. It can be very small or so life-altering it makes Emperor Julian furious at your compassion or really anything in between.

Summary

But this is what it all boils down to. Sacrificial love in a relationship means it’s not about me. Sacrificial love in a relationship requires us to put aside our own priorities. Sacrificial love in a relationship requires giving something we value – our time, our attention, our energy, our emotions – to someone else.

Jesus said in our first text today that this kind of sacrificial love even extends to our inner thoughts about a person. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Sometimes it might require sacrificial effort to not judge, to not condemn, to not hold onto past hurts. That’s sacrificial love, too.

Sisters and brothers, having real relationships requires moving beyond ourselves. It requires being on someone else’s team. It requires giving your valuable time, energy, attention, and emotions. It even requires an inner attitude, Jesus says, that does not condemn or judge others. That’s sacrifice. And it’s very difficult. The effort we put into it is actually a form of sacrificial love toward Jesus.

I’ll close with this quote from Albert Schweitzer as he reflected on his call to be a doctor in the jungle. He wrote, “Anybody who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll any stones out of his way, and must calmly accept his lot even if they roll a few more onto it. Only force that in the face of obstacles becomes stronger can win.”

May our sacrificial love contain that kind of force. Emperor Julian would be so mad at these compassionate Galileans if we did. Amen.

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First Reading = Matthew 18:15-20

15“If another member of the church  sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are  alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16But if you are not listened to, take one  or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by  the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17If the member refuses to listen to them,  tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to  the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

Introduction

We are nearing the end of our series about real relationships. Last week we heard about the importance of self-care. Even Jesus took the time for self-care! And when we’re at our best, we’re at our best for other people, too.

This week we are talking about conflict. Do you know the first time I addressed conflict as the main topic of my sermon? My fourth sermon here on May 3, 2015. That was 269 sermons ago. And we’ve delved into the deep waters of conflict about once a year since then. I’m sure we’ll get it all figured out this time, though 🙂

We heard from Jesus in our first text the basic recipe for approaching conflict. We’ll circle back to this later, but here’s the recipe for conflict: go one-on-one first, then bring in one or two others to help, then bring it to the whole group, then and only then can you say “Well at least I tried.” And those steps are in order, by the way.

Now that we know the recipe, let’s also hear from Jesus about how important it is to deal with conflict.

Sermon Text = Matthew 5:21-26

21“You have heard that it was said  to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders  shall be liable to judgment.’ 22But I say to you that if you are angry  with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you  insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if  you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire. 23So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. 25Come to terms quickly with your accuser  while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you  over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown  into prison. 26Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

There…and Back Again?

You know how there are those memories that are etched into your soul? Those memories that seem just as real today as when they happened? I was reminded of one of those memories recently. I can still hear the words echoing in my head – “Code zero, zero, zero. Destruct. Zero!” And sixty seconds later, the Starship Enterprise exploded! Not alternate universe exploded. The beloved Starship Enterprise really, really exploded! I was devastated!

Of course, that was Star Trek III, and they still had Star Trek IV to make. So, what do you know? They had a brand new Enterprise ready to go for the next movie! And that one was almost destroyed in Star Trek V. And in Star Trek: The Next Generation, the fancier Enterprise was destroyed in the second season. But it got better! They were able to reverse it with time travel!

And then the Enterprise was destroyed 17 times in one episode when they were stuck in a time loop. And not to be outdone, another episode managed to conjure up 300,000 Enterprises from alternate timelines. And then that Enterprise crashed in another Star Trek movie. But they had yet another, fancier Enterprise ready to go again, so nice foresight from Starfleet.

Are you getting tired of hearing about the Enterprise blowing up? Yeah, me too! Someone tell Paramount that it’s hard to work up any tears for the Enterprise after you’ve seen it blow up several times and magically no one important dies and there’s another ship waiting for them. When everything returns to normal, the conflict seems like a waste of time. If everything goes back to the way it was, it’s hard to care about the Enterprise blowing up.

JRR Tolkien wrote the genre-defining Lord of the Rings books. And there are some very different subtitles in the series. You have on one hand “The Hobbit: There and Back Again.” This implies that Bilbo went out on an adventure, came back to his home, and everything was more or less the same afterwards. Compare that with last section in the series, which is called “The End of the Third Age.” Does that sound like everything is going back to the way it was?

“The End of the Third Age” doesn’t sound like “There and Back Again.” There’s not going to be another Enterprise after that. People and places and all of Middle Earth’s history are actually different after that. Things changed after that conflict.

Many of our church leaders are reading a book by Michael Jinkins called Transformational Ministry. And he has an entire chapter about the role conflict plays in ministry and in the life of a church. He says, “As followers of Christ, we recognize that conflict is potentially redemptive and transformative…so our perspective is not…an attempt to return to a previous equilibrium.” Conflict isn’t something to just sweep away so we can get back to the way things were. Conflict isn’t something to manage away so everyone is OK. Jinkins says that “God uses the stresses and tensions and conflicts of human community to reshape us into the image of Christ.”

If we have the fortitude to engage productively with conflict, we aren’t just going there and back again like Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit. We aren’t just shrugging off one starship Enterprise because we have a few spares in the back. No, conflict is a major way that God can shape us into the image of Christ. Conflict is a way that God can shape our community into the image of Christ. After the last few years, we should be thinking more about “The End of the Third Age” and less about going “There and Back Again.”

Jesus tells us in our text today that conflict isn’t something to be managed or avoided or minimized. Conflict is something to engage directly and quickly. He says our emotions are reason enough to engage with someone. He says our need for reconciliation is greater than our need to be in worship! That’s coming from Jesus!

Reconciliation requires engaging directly with the conflict between people. Reconciliation might require restitution, not just hugging it out. Reconciliation might require swallowing our pride. Reconciliation might require that things be different moving forward, not just going there and back again.

And so I encourage us to think about the last few years as an opportunity for Jesus to bring redemptive and transforming change into our lives and into the church, the Body of Christ. Wherever it is helpful and positive and worshipful to return things “back to normal,” we will. But if we just pretend that the last few years didn’t happen – as if they were just a blip like another starship Enterprise blowing up – then we will have wasted a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be formed more into the image of Christ.

That doesn’t make it fun at all, but why put that to waste? So here’s the first set of questions for today. Thinking about all the pain and conflict and difficulty of the last few years, what should be different moving forward? Where could Jesus bring redemption and new life?

Personally Accountable

So conflict is a chance at reconciliation and transformation, not just something to be managed and minimized so we can get back to normal.

Jesus also shows us that conflict is an opportunity to look in the mirror, not just point our fingers at others. In our main text today, Jesus says, “if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.” Did you catch that? If someone has something against you, go and be reconciled with them. If you look in the mirror and realize you have been at fault, go and be reconciled. If you need to own your own stuff, own it! Don’t make excuses! Don’t hide! Own it! Be personally accountable! Go and be and be reconciled with your accuser, Jesus says!

As I have shared before, my brother and I only had one fight growing up. It just lasted about fourteen years. One of the turning points in our relationship was when I was big enough to challenge him directly. I was finally big enough and strong enough to take him. So I didn’t wait for him to annoy me. I picked the fight myself! Bring it on! Time to represent the power of the younger brother!

A few minutes later I walked back into the house with a bloody nose. And my mom started screaming at my brother! “What did you do to your brother?!?” But I stopped her and said, “No, I started this fight.” We still had a few years of that one fight ahead of us, but that was a start. The typical younger brother move – one I had perfected through repeated application, by the way – would be to skate off to your room and let the older brother take the undeserved heat. But for whatever reason, I raised my hand rather than skating off. It was the beginning of respect growing in place of resentment.

And a little personal accountability goes a long way. A few years later, I remember totally forgetting a Spanish assignment where I was supposed to cook something from Spain or Mexico. And I told my brother about it that morning before school. Rather than laughing at me when I was always the school goody-two-shoes, he helped me whip up a batch of tacos to take to school. I grew in respect for him.

Taking personal responsibility, personal accountability, can grow respect in a relationship. And that can cause great change over time.

Jesus said to consider if someone has something against you. Consider if someone has a reason to accuse you. Think about your personal accountability. Conflict is an opportunity to look in the mirror and own your stuff instead of hiding it. Ain’t no makeup gonna hide our flaws from Jesus anyway.

So here’s our second set of questions today. Where do you need to raise your hand and take responsibility? Where do you need to look in the mirror and own some stuff? I’ve gotta do that, too. In fact, I have quite the list going already!

Direct = No Triangles

So conflict is a chance at reconciliation and transformation, and conflict is also an opportunity to look in the mirror and own some stuff with personal accountability. Now let’s circle back to Jesus’ conflict recipe from our first text today.

The basic summary from Jesus is that we should handle conflict directly. That’s never fun, right? If you ever want to generate some excuses, just think about handling conflict directly. That’s a surefire way to get our excuse-ometers going. It’s really easy to talk ourselves out of handling conflict directly.

And do you know what our brains like even more than talking ourselves out of handling conflict directly? If we can think of someone else to handle our conflict for us! That is internal emotional gold right there! That’s like all the happy buttons! If we can get someone else to handle conflict for us, that makes our brains as happy as my dog when we accidentally drop bacon on the floor.

But Jesus told us to handle conflict directly. And in family systems therapy, getting someone else to handle conflict for you is called triangulation. Alice is annoyed by Bob. So she tells Claire about how annoying Bob is. Claire, feeling like a very responsible person, tells Bob about the problem Alice has with him. Congratulations, Claire! You’re now triangulated!

That happens ALL…THE…TIME in human relationships. And it happens all the time in this church. Triangulation lowers the relational stress for a short while, but it never resolves anything. So every year, more and more stuff just keeps accumulating.

Have you ever renovated a house with wallpaper? It’s not pleasant getting wallpaper down if you’re doing it yourself and you care about the walls underneath. The worst – absolute worst – thing to discover, though, is multiple layers of wallpaper. Ugh! That takes forever to get through!

Every time Alice triangulates Claire in instead of going to Bob directly, it’s like adding another layer of wallpaper. It looks OK for a bit, but it’s really just making more layers of problems that will come up later.

Triangles are really useful in many things, but they are terrible for human relationships. Take Jesus’ recipe for conflict – handle conflict directly. Let’s unplug our excuse-ometers for a spell and handle conflict directly. Let’s get Alice and Bob talking instead of bringing in Claire.

So here’s the final set of questions today. Where have you been triangulating instead of handling conflict directly? Where have you been telling Claire about Bob instead of talking to Bob directly?

Summary

Sisters and brothers, we know as followers of Jesus that conflict has the potential to be redemptive and transforming. It’s not about going there and back again, it’s not about just grabbing a spare Starship Enterprise from the back room and getting back to normal. Conflict is an opportunity for God to be at work.

And more specifically, Jesus told us to be personally accountable – look in the mirror so we can own our stuff. And Jesus told us to handle conflict directly – no triangles, and no excuses!

Now remember, I’ve been preaching about conflict since May 3, 2015. This has been a recurring topic over the last 269 sermons. So I don’t want to hear that this was a nice sermon after worship. I want to hear that you hated it or that you’re thinking about applying it. I made a list of things I need to do in light of this sermon. What’s on your TODO list? Amen.

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First Reading = 1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Introduction

We are still in our series about real relationships. Last week, Pastor Carol gave us a master class in forgiveness. This week we are looking at Christ-like love. The key idea is to pattern our relationships on the person of Jesus. This sounds nice, like saying we like moms and apple pies. But in reality, patterning our relationships on the love of Jesus is about as radical as it gets.

At last week’s annual meeting, I shared my best idea to move forward, to recommit to what made us great in the first place. Do you remember what it was? Relational…congregational…ministry. Be exceptional at relationships. And empower the church to be the primary doers of ministry where possible, with the support of staff.

So what does it look like to be exceptional at relationships? I present to you Romans 12, our main text today. Exceptional relationships are patterned on the person and love of Jesus Christ. So buckle your seat belts. Keep your arms inside the ride at all time. Place your tray tables in the upright and locked position. We’re about to hear about some REAL relationships.

In a normal sermon, I find 2-3 interesting words to study. I found TWENTY interesting words in this text. So ready or not, here we go!

Sermon Text = Romans 12:9-21

9Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; 10love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. 11Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. 13Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. 14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. 17Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. 18If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20No, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.” 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Genuine

Back four thousand years ago when I was in seminary, I was pretty offended by something my professor said. I was disappointed in my classmates for their responses. I was deeply moved by the Holy Spirit to address something that I saw as a problem with our collective spirit. And I was deeply grateful that my next seminary chapel preaching slot wasn’t for another three weeks, so I had time to prepare.

I spent hours and hours, days and days, trying to state my case as diplomatically as possible. I wanted the message to be heard, and I didn’t want a slip of the tongue or a bad turn of phrase to get in the way. I rarely get nervous before sermons, but this one had the butterflies churning. Calling out your professor and classmates in a sermon at the seminary chapel is a risky move! But I felt the Holy Spirit convicting me to say it. So I did.

I scheduled a time to speak with the professor to discuss what I had said. I shared with her the inciting incident that started my whole chain of thought. I shared with her directly what I was trying to articulate in the sermon. And I vividly remember her response. “Really? Oh, I didn’t get that out of your sermon at all!”

I had beat around the bush so much, I had practically dug a moat around it! But I apparently didn’t actually hit the bush itself. I was so diplomatic, so concerned with stating it in a way people could hear, that people didn’t actually hear my point!

Two of the interesting words in our text today are right at the start. Verse 9 says “let love be genuine.” As you have probably heard before, there are different words for love in Greek.

In this verse, the word for love is “agape.” That’s choosing to want the best for someone, and being willing to do something to make that happen. When Jesus says to love your enemies, it’s “agape.” You can choose to want the best for your enemies and be willing to help them even if you have negative feelings toward them. It’s choice and action, not feelings.

So what does it mean to let love be genuine? It means having our choices, our actions, our words in alignment. It means directly investing in good things for other people. Not beating around the bush until there’s a nice moat like my seminary sermon. Directly investing in good things for other people.

One of the ways I’m trying to let my love be more genuine this year is by moving my dial from way over here on the diplomatic side, and turning it a few clicks closer towards clarity and directness. I’m sure I’ll mess that up. I’m sure I’ll go too far sometimes. And I’m sure I won’t go far enough sometimes. That’s one of my journeys this year.

How can you be more genuine, more direct in loving others? How can you be more genuine, more direct in your choices and words and actions? How can you be more genuine, more direct in investing in good things for other people?

Saying you love your neighbors is nice. But do your choices and actions follow genuinely directly? Saying you love the people at church is nice. But do your choices and actions follow genuinely and directly? How can we all be more genuine, more direct, in loving others?

Those are just two out of the twenty interesting words in this passage. We’ll cover some more, but don’t worry – I’m not going to cover all twenty today. Or am I…?

Harmony

Our text also talks about living in harmony with one another. Harmony, in music, is when multiple different notes combine to make a pleasing sound. It’s multiple different notes – not the same note. And it’s a pleasing combination, meaning you can’t just pick any random notes and have it be harmony. Whatever your root note is, you can only pick certain other notes and have it sound pleasing still.

On a piano, sometimes there are a bunch of notes played at the same time, and yet they can still sound in harmony. If you’ve ever seen hand bell music, holy goodness there are so many notes! And yet all of those notes, if carefully chosen and timed, can sound pleasing together.

Good music is made when each person brings what they have, their uniqueness, and thoughtfully combines it into the whole.

I usually record a demo of myself playing and singing a song when I first learn it, so I can remember how I played it. But some songs that sound great on the radio sound weak when I sing them with my acoustic guitar. If there’s a song that is driven by its huge bass line, or a song that finds its soul from the drums, my acoustic and my voice aren’t enough to carry it. To make good music, you have to thoughtfully combine these very different parts.

That’s harmony. Different notes, different parts, thoughtfully combined into something better and pleasing. It takes work to be in harmony. It takes work to be in sync with the group. And it takes work to make sure everyone isn’t just playing the same note. Let’s start the C# only choir! That would be boring.

So to live in harmony with one another, we have to carve out our unique niche in a way that also combines thoughtfully with our community to make something better and pleasing. If everyone just parrots the same note, it’s boring. If everyone picks their own tune and dials it up to 12, it’s noise instead of music. Harmony takes work to carve out a unique niche that also combines thoughtfully with the group to make something pleasing.

There are a bunch of very popular video games that allow people from all over the world to play against each other. The most popular ones won’t even let you start the game until at least 100 people are ready to go at the same time. And while it is technically possible to connect players from virtually anywhere on the earth at the same time, some of the game developers have blocked off different parts of the globe so they can’t play each other. Not because of technology. Not because of language barriers or laws. Because of cooperation. There are some games where players who know how to work together are so much better than a bunch of lone rangers that they have to prevent the lone rangers from even trying to go against the cooperative groups. All those lone rangers look muy tonto in the cooperative games. Harmony wins almost every time against the lone rangers.

Being intentional about harmony unlocks things that otherwise seem impossible. Our most perfect example of this is the relationship between God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit – the Trinity. God exists in perfect communion. God is God. Jesus is God. The Holy Spirit is God. Perfect harmony. That’s our model. We were made in the image of a God who was relational before we were even made. Harmony is part of the very nature of God.

So what’s your note? What’s your unique niche? And how can you play off those around you to be in harmony?

Zeal

Finally – at least for today – I want to lift up verse 11: “Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord.”

Do you remember the show Downton Abbey? It followed the Crawley family, and the house and estate that was their title and dwelling. And it also made sure to lift up the stories of the servants and cooks and butlers in the house as well.

Some of the servants were very proud to be serving at Downton Abbey and serving the Crawley family. They worked hard to take care of tiny details so the family wouldn’t even notice if a problem had occurred.

And then there was Tom the chauffeur. Tom was an Irishman who thought the aristocracy was wrong, even though he was working for them. But his perspective changed when he fell in love with one of the Crawley daughters, married her, and eventually moved back to the Abbey as part of the family.

While he started as an outsider and indeed in opposition to the very nature of the Crawley family’s title and land, here’s what he said when he returned as an uneasy part of the family. “Every man or woman who marries into this house, every child born into it, has to put their gifts to the family’s disposal…It seems me…if we each do what we can do, then Downton has a real chance.”

Tom started with a passion for his goals and agendas and visions of the world. He eventually became part of the family, and he had a passion for that family. That’s the kind of spirit that verse 11 commends to all Christians. “Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord.”

Zeal means doing what needs to be done for God. Ardent means being on fire – passionate about it! And the word for “serve” isn’t just do some things God wants. It’s like being Tom or one of the servants in the Abbey – placing all of your gifts in service to the broader purpose. Only we don’t serve a British aristocrat. We serve the Living God.

So if harmony is about being unique yet in thoughtful concert with other people, having zeal for the Lord means being in thoughtful concert with God’s plans over and above our own.

If we are to have real relationships, relationships based on the image of God, then God can’t be an afterthought. In fact, God can’t be just one little variable you consider. To serve the Lord with zeal and an ardent spirit means making God #1.

To be a follower of Jesus, he has to be #1. Jesus has to be the one deciding what’s important. Jesus has to be the one deciding, not us!

If we keep going with the harmony analogy, in music, someone has to pick the root note. Someone has to pick the chord or the scale that everyone else can then use to pick their spot. Someone has to say, “G-major! Now E-minor!” Someone has to pick the root note, and then everyone else can find their place for harmony.

This part of our text today says that Jesus is the one who picks the root note. We follow his music and try to stay in harmony with him, not the other way around. When Jesus moves to a new note, our harmony should follow. Jesus picks the root note. We try to harmonize with him.

Jesus is the one who knows how to have real relationships. If we follow his lead, we will find real relationships, too. If we demonstrate his love, we will find real relationships. If we, to use the words of verse 12, “rejoice in hope, [are] patient in suffering, [and] persevere in prayer,” we will find real relationships.

Summary

Sisters and brothers, Jesus is the very definition of real relationships. He is our model. He is our guide. He is our Lord.

Having real relationships like Jesus means being more genuine – more authentic and direct in our love. Real relationships require harmony – picking our spot in thoughtful cooperation with others to make something pleasing. And real relationships like Jesus require following where Jesus leads instead of asking Jesus to follow where we lead.

So how real are we willing to get? Amen.

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First Reading = Ephesians 4:1-16

I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all. 7But each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8Therefore it is said, “When he ascended on high he made captivity itself a captive; he gave gifts to his people.” 9(When it says, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower parts of the earth? 10He who descended is the same one who ascended far above all the heavens, so that he might fill all things.) 11The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, 12to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ. 14We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. 15But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.

Introduction

We are continuing our series about real relationships. We have learned how to accept ambiguity and focus on commonalities. This week we are going to talk about honesty and kindness. They are kind of a package deal, so we’ll take them together.

I have lived in Texas, where Southern hospitality sometimes makes kindness more important than honesty. If you hear, “Well bless your heart,” be prepared for a sugar-coated insult.

And I have lived in Pennsylvania, where honesty sometimes takes the form of bluntness without regard for kindness. “Lemme tell y’ens somethin!”

And here in Colorado, sometimes people avoid kindness and honesty by just saying, “Sorry, can’t talk, I’m headed to the mountains!” Every place has its quirks when it comes to honesty and kindness.

And the early churches had their quirks with honesty and kindness, too. We heard in our first reading from Ephesians the admonishment to speak the truth in love. Both things – speak the truth – and speak it in love. And our second text in Colossians has a similar message with just a little different flavor.

Sermon Text = Colossians 3:8-17

8But now you must get rid of all such things—anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth. 9Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices 10and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator. 11In that renewal there is no longer Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and free; but Christ is all and in all! 12As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. 13Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. 17And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Kind Honesty

Well I have something to tell you. It’s a bit awkward, but here it goes. You’ve got something in your teeth. Has anyone had to tell you that?

My wife and I have been watching the show Ted Lasso, which is about an American college football coach who gets hired to run an English soccer team. He and his assistant Nathan are on their way to formal dinner, and Ted asks him, “Nate, I got somethin’ to ask you. Are you the kinda guy who wants me to tell him if he’s got somethin’ in his teeth?”

Nate replies, “Well yes, yes of course.”

And Ted says, “Great. Because that suit doesn’t fit you.”

“Oh…um…it’s my dad’s. I don’t have a reason to wear a suit much.”

So Ted smiles at Nathan and takes him to get a suit and pays for it.

And that is a fabulous example of kindness and honesty together. Ted first asked Nathan if he wanted to know potentially embarrassing but helpful honesty. He didn’t assume, he asked. Then he was honest instead of beating around the bush. And then he helped Nathan solve the problem.

That’s kind honesty! That’s speaking the truth in love, to use the phrase from our first reading today.

Our text from Colossians says it this way, “8But now you must get rid of all such things—anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth. 9Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices 10and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator.”

There are three components in that section.

First, be kind. That means getting rid of anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language, to use the exact list from Colossians. The church needed to hear that list 2000 years ago. Do you think we still need to hear that list? Have we gotten rid of anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language yet? Probably not.

So if we speak from anger, we aren’t ready to be kind yet. If we speak from wrath – the desire to destroy – we aren’t ready to be kind yet. If we speak from malice – intentionally harming someone – we aren’t ready to be kind yet. If we speak slander or abusive language, we aren’t ready to be kind yet.

Second part of this text is to be honest. This one is pretty direct – “Do not lie to one another.” Lies can be actively committed. Lies can be by omission – leaving something critical out. Lies can be letting other lies or unkindness go without trying to speak truth in love. So be honest.

And the third part of this text is to model our daily behavior on that of Jesus Christ. The text says to strip off the old self and clothe ourselves in Christ. That means our model isn’t what’s generally accepted in our culture or church today. No, our model is the life and words and sacrifice of Jesus.

Tools for Kind Honesty

So I see a few tools we can use to cultivate kind honesty with our inner selves, with our visible actions, and with our audible words.

The first, easy tool we have for cultivating kind honesty is to copy State Farm. They have the discount double check to save money on insurance. We can have the Kind Honesty Double Check. I’ve heard Rick Warren say, “Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true.” So take a moment and double-check. Is what I’m about to say really true? Really? And you can double check your kindness, too. Am I granting myself or others grace? Am I about to be kind? Really? Am I about to be kind with my body and my tone and my words? Really? Do a double-check. We heard the list of things we should get rid of, but our text also gives us a list of things we should seek more of. “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other.” So do a double check against that list. That’s a very easy tool to cultivate more kind honesty.

For the second tool, let me share some wisdom from Greg Funfgeld, the traditional music director at my previous church. This was a big moment for me, so I want to give him credit. We were pretty disciplined about evaluating our big events and initiatives so we could learn and improve. We had goals ahead of time, and we evaluated ourselves against those goals.

But Greg said in one meeting, and I’ll never forget this, “We always spend our time talking about what went wrong. Can we spend some time talking about what went well?” So from that point on, I have used a simple framework for evaluating: let’s talk about our hits, our misses, and our “next times.” And let’s talk about them in that order. Start with the hits. Start with what went well. Then let’s talk about our misses, what could have gone better. And then let’s solidify those into the things we want to intentionally keep and the things we want to intentionally change for next time.

It is just as honest to highlight that something went well as it is to highlight that something could have gone better. Speaking honestly isn’t just telling someone when they have something in their teeth or their suit doesn’t fit. Speaking honestly is also telling someone when they look sharp in their suit or when they nail the speech or organize something well.

So the second tool is to intentionally speak honestly about what went well. Find the reasons to celebrate – and be just as disciplined about finding those good reasons as you are about noticing what should be better next time. Honestly celebrate the good. Don’t just honestly point out the bad. Our main text says it this way: “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful.” Intentionally noticing the good is the second tool for cultivating kind honesty.

The third tool is to give yourself the grace to slowly improve and grow in kind honesty. You’re not going to get from where you are to how Jesus modeled in a lifetime, let alone thirty days from now. So take an honest look at the gap between your kind honesty and Jesus’ kind honesty. Be honest about the size of that gap. Look with clear eyes. But then be kind to yourself by just taking one step.

How can I be one step more honest with my family? How can I be one step more honest with myself? How can I be one step more honest at work? How can I be one step more honest?

And how can I be one step more kind with my family? How can I be one step more kind with myself? How can I be one step more kind at work? How can I be one step more kind?

Just take one step toward being more kind and honest. Shrinking it down to one step is the third tool for cultivating kind honesty.

Kind Honesty for FPCL

So let’s practice some of these tools. Let’s practice these tools by examining this church, this congregation, this pastor with kind honesty. We’ll get a chance to talk and listen much more at the annual meeting next week, but let’s get started today. Let’s set the stage for that speaking and listening next week by getting some kind honesty.

I think the weirdness of the last two years should give us a chance for fresh perspective. I think my sabbatical gave us a chance for fresh perspective. And I think Pastor Carol’s announcement of her retirement in March should give us a chance for fresh perspective, too. So let’s get another step toward kind honesty.

Before the pandemic, when people asked me if First Pres Littleton was growing or dying, I would always tell them we were staying about the same. I felt like we were reaching new people in our community at about the same rate that people moved out or found a different church or moved on to heaven. That’s how I honestly felt.

But it wasn’t true. When I did a double-check by looking at the worship attendance and membership numbers going back many years, it painted a different picture. We have actually been slowly shrinking during my time – about twenty members a year. And about half of that in average worship attendance shrinking each year. Just slow enough to not feel like a big problem, but just fast enough to be a big problem.

If we continue to lost about twenty members per year for various reasons, this church will be dead in thirteen years. If this church continues to be every bit as loving, every bit as serving, every bit as kind as it has been, it will need to book itself a spot in the Columbarium by the time my younger son is a senior in high school. That was a sobering double check. But a needed one.

But let’s use tool #2, finding the honestly good things. From everything I have heard, I believe this church responded and stepped up in a very admirable way when I was gone last summer for my sabbatical. Mary asked the congregation to step up and get engaged, and you did! We asked Lynda and Carol to work together to provide stable leadership during that time, and they did! I asked the church to invest in relationships while I was away, and with a game night and a summer music concert and reconnecting at worship, you did!

If you rewind further, do you remember when Carol was away for her one month sabbatical? Do you remember when Carol was away for a while with a broken hip I believe it was? When Carol had some extended absences before, the church stepped up! I asked the Deacons and neighborhood stewards to be even more involved, even more connected with their neighborhoods, even more willing to call someone or visit someone. And then let me know who needs or would appreciate a little extra outreach from me. And they did it!

We asked for blankets and you responded with a huge pile out there. We asked for people to get Christmas presents to fill those shoe boxes to send around the world, and you did it! We asked for people to fill backpacks with school supplies for kids who needed it, and you did it! We’re asking people to help fill welcome baskets for Afghan refugees resettling in our area, and I bet you’ll do it! I have confidence! That’s in your wheelhouse!

So we can honestly say that this church has the ability to respond, to step up as a group. It’s not one person doing it all, it’s a bunch of people doing it together. It’s the church being the church. That’s honestly good!

Alright, let’s use tool #3. Let’s get one step more honest and one step more kind. So let’s get more honest. With Carol retiring, does anyone here honestly think I’m going to be able to replace everything she has been doing? Honestly, I can’t do that. In fact, no one can. No…one…can.

But the Deacons and neighborhood stewards and people on care teams have demonstrated that they can…together. No ONE person is going to replace what Carol has been doing. But if more people step forward to be Deacons or to assist with pastoral care teams we can actually do even more than Carol has been doing. That’s not easy, but it’s possible. This church can do it! When it comes to your ability to care for each other, I believe in you! That’s honestly in your wheelhouse, too!

So taking one step forward would require more people who have been Deacons or neighborhood stewards or on care teams or maybe previously trained as Stephen Ministers to re-engage with caring for the people of this church. That’s one step forward.

I’m going to get risky here, though, let me talk about two steps forward. Risky, I know. But let’s see if we can find pavement instead of ice with this second step.

I’ll start this with kindness. It is very common and understandable when someone wants the pastor to be the one visiting them when they’re sick or struggling or recovering. I totally get that. Very common. Very understandable. Very relatable. I, like every pastor, am honored to walk with people through every phase of life.

Now for some honesty to go along with that kindness. When it only counts as a visit if it’s from the head pastor, that’s not biblical. If a Deacon visits someone in the hospital, and they say, “No one visited me” because the pastor didn’t arrive – that’s common and understandable but it’s also not biblical.

Did Jesus visit everyone? No. He sent his followers out two by two to minister in his name. Did that count? It sure seems like it counts in the Bible!

In the book of Acts, in chapter 6, when the early church was being formed, they started the first Deacon ministry. The disciples needed to focus on prayer and the ministry of the Word, so they picked out seven – not one, seven – people to focus on caring for the people in the church. Did it count when Stephen visited people instead of Peter? It sure seems like it counts in the Bible! Did it count when the disciples taught the Bible instead of Jesus doing it himself? It sure seems like it counts in the Bible!

In Jim Collins’ famous book, How the Mighty Fall, he talks about the five stages of decline. Remember what I shared about how this church has been actually shrinking, not staying the same. So think about where we are in these stages.

Stage one is hubris born of success – things are going well so you think you’re the best thing since sliced bread.

Stage two is undisciplined pursuit of more – we need more of everything! Even if it stretches us too thin in our core.

Stage three is denial of risk and peril. This is like the black knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail refusing to admit that King Arthur cut off his arm.

Stage four is gasping for salvation – thinking there’s just one person, one key program, one miracle that will make everything better again!

And finally stage five is capitulation to irrelevance or death. It’s too late, it’s over.

I don’t think we’re that bad. Yet.

But we’re probably in late stage three – just realizing there’s real risk and peril. Thirteen years if we do what we’re doing! But the temptation from here is to gasp for salvation, to find the one magical person, to find the one silver bullet, the one new program to fix it all.

Ain’t. Gonna. Happen. That’s honesty.

But the kindness is that there’s hope. You exit the stages of decline, not by finding a savior or something totally new. Organizations typically exit the decline by recommitting to the core of what made them great to begin with.

This church has demonstrated a core competence of caring for each other. This church has demonstrated a core competence of creating meaningful and lasting relationships. This church has demonstrated a core competence of responding to needs in the community.

So I believe the answer is for the church to be the church. A pastor can’t be the church. It takes a whole church to be a church. So two steps forward would be for this church to awaken to its potential to be the church again. The staff can’t be the church. The staff can equip and organizing and multiply your efforts. But only you can be the church.

Jesus said the harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few. We have a lot of potential laborers for the harvest here. Many hands make light work. A little bit from a lot of people is more than any one person or two or three or four people can do. You can do this! You’ve done it before! You count! If you’re willing to step forward, you count!

Summary

Sisters and brothers, real relationships require kind honesty. Real relationships require speaking the truth in love. So I hope we will all cultivate more kind honesty by doing a double check, by noticing what’s honestly good, and by taking just one or two steps further.

Jesus rose again from the dead. He can raise you up in your life again. And he can raise up this church again, too. Amen.