May 13, 2018 (Mothers’ Day) – “Wonderfully Made for an Amazing Purpose: Encouraging” by Rev. Cody Sandahl

Lay Reader = Isaiah 43:1-4
1But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. 2When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. 3For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in exchange for you. 4Because you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you, I give people in return for you, nations in exchange for your life.
Introduction
We are continuing our series looking at our spiritual gifts, or spiritual DNA – the ways God has designed us for particular kinds of ministry roles. We’ve talked about the spiritual DNA for leading, the DNA for prophecy or truth-seeking, and Carol shared last week about the spiritual DNA for compassion or mercy – seeing the face of God in your neighbor.
This week I just might have intentionally lined up Mothers’ Day with the spiritual DNA for encouraging. And why is that? Well I have defined encouraging as the spiritual DNA to support, strengthen, counsel, and help others develop. (REPEAT). That sounds a lot like how many of us experience our mothers. Not everyone – I know we have a few people here who had a very different experience growing up. But that’s at least the positive cliché, right? That mom is your biggest fan?
For instance, I started teaching myself to play guitar when I came here to Littleton three years ago. And now I’m to the point where I can play at a slightly below average level. But what I lack in skill I make up in gusto! This year I have been learning two or three songs a month to learn new techniques, learn how to express more emotion in my playing and singing, things like that. And I am not comfortable sharing those very widely. But you know who always gets a copy of the recording? My mom. Why? Because she’s never going to tell me it stunk! I can try to expand my guitar abilities and send something to her even if it’s not great because I know I will be accepted.
That’s a great example of encouragement – providing acceptance so someone else can try to get better without judgment. So thinking about my mom encouraging me, I thought Mothers’ Day might be a good place to talk about the spiritual DNA for encouraging. By the way, Mom, if you’re listening online, a sermon mention should get me out of hot water for forgetting to buy you flowers for Mothers’ Day.
Just kidding! She got the flowers, too!
So that’s one kind of encouragement – providing that judgment-free zone – but encouragement is a much broader term than that. And to learn more, let’s turn to our text today.
This is Paul’s letter to the church in Thessalonika. Paul only had a few weeks to form this church before he was chased out by some angry Jewish leaders. So he had to send them a few extra instructions later to help them establish and grow in their faith. Here’s what he writes about interacting with each other.
1 Thessalonians 5:11-22
11Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing. 12But we appeal to you, brothers and sisters, to respect those who labor among you, and have charge of you in the Lord and admonish you; 13esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. 14And we urge you, beloved, to admonish the idlers, encourage the faint hearted, help the weak, be patient with all of them. 15See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all.
16Rejoice always, 17pray without ceasing, 18give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 19Do not quench the Spirit. 20Do not despise the words of prophets, 21but test everything; hold fast to what is good; 22abstain from every form of evil.
Assurance and Fear
I had lunch with Jory Bayne last week – he was up front with the mission team last Sunday – and he shared something he had just read about encouragement. The author said that every person has deep-seated inner fears, and we typically put up layers and layers of shells around those fears. So usually when we try to encourage someone, it’s just our outer shell commenting on their outer shell. But true encouragement is being able to sense that deeper inner fear and speak to it.
That reminded me of the movie Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon plays the troubled genius Will, and Robin Williams plays Sean, the court-appointed counselor who’s trying to help Will. And there’s a scene near the end of the movie, after Sean and Will have developed trust. They’re talking about their respective experiences being abused.
Will says his father would place a wrench, a stick, and a belt on the table and say, “Pick one.” Being stubborn, Will always chose the wrench. And Robin Williams’ character, the counselor, steps closer and says, “Will, all of this” – pointing to the pictures of Will after suffering the wrench – “It’s not your fault.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t. It’s not your fault.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“No, you don’t. It’s not your fault.”
“Stop messing with me, Sean!”
“I’m not. It’s not your fault.”
And finally Will breaks down in tears. Sean got past the shells and saw the inner fear and spoke encouragement to it.
I think that lines up well with our verse today. Because it doesn’t just talk about encouragement as a bunch of “atta-boy’s.” That’s in there. It says to “esteem them highly.” But it also says to “admonish.” That means giving a word of warning or giving someone something to keep in mind to get better. That’s not just a pat on the back.
My brother and I joke that when we want to know if one of our ideas is terrible we have to ask each other, not our mom. Because Mom isn’t going to say, “I love you, son, but that idea stinks.” Instead she’ll find something in the idea worth praising and tell us that. I already shared how that makes it safe to share things with her because you’re not going to find judgment. But when you really want to know what stinks – well that’s what brothers are for! When my fear is not being accepted, Mom’s encouragement is best. When my fear is failure or doing a bad job, my brother’s feedback – whether esteem or admonishment – that’s better in those situations. That’s encouraging, because I can rest better knowing that I’ve made it better.
But encouragement isn’t all about helping people change or get better, either – the text says to “be at peace” and “be patient.” We were watching a video in our staff meeting about leading yourself. And the teacher in the video was talking about the need to have a sustainable pace, and invest in your own mind, soul, body, and strength as you pursue the Lord. And one of our staff members commented about how hard it is to find more time to do those things. And so, in the spirit of encouragement, I said, “We’ll be docking your pay until you find the time.” No, no, no. Encouragement in that case was more along the lines of “be at peace.” Don’t add more when you’re too full. Be at peace. Pick your spots rather than just trying to cram more in. When the fear is not having enough time or being overwhelmed, encouragement says “be at peace” not “cram more in.”
But lest we think that encouragement is all about saying the right thing, the text says to “help the weak” and “do good.” There’s some action involved. When I was in youth ministry, it was often so important to the students that we had people from the church show up at their sporting events or band concerts or to see them act in the plays. Even if the student was on the backstage crew and you never saw them on stage, showing up to see the play they helped create was an encouragement to them.
But encouragement isn’t just about our behavior, verse 19 says “do not quench the Spirit.” So telling someone “you missed a spot” over and over again probably not really encouraging.
At one of my previous churches we had someone who strongly disliked how we integrated music and Communion. And the first few times he shared that concern, we listened and checked with the team to see if we wanted to change what we were doing, and then shared with him why we were doing what we were doing and why we were going to keep it that way. End of story, right?
Wrong! Every single week. EVERY SINGLE WEEK we got to hear the same complaint. At some point you just stop wanting to see the person coming to talk to you. That’s quenching the Spirit. Wearing people down with your opinions isn’t encouragement, it’s annoying! And that doesn’t appear on the list of spiritual gifts for some reason.
In Ephesians 6 we see this applied to parents – “do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” I can say this from experience – it’s really easy to let your kids think they’re name is actually “No” or “Please stop.” But that quenches the Spirit.
I’ve heard it said that it’s better to catch someone doing something approximately right – it’ll never be exactly the way you want it, so settle for approximately right – rather than constantly telling them where they’re wrong. Imagine that I’m telling you how to drive to my house. And here’s what I tell you.
“Don’t take Belleview – wrong direction. Don’t take Santa Fe – too much traffic. Don’t take Windermere – that doesn’t go all the way through. Don’t take Broadway – there’s road work going on. Don’t take University – you’ve gone too far. See you later!” Is that going to be helpful, just listing all of the streets not to take? You need to know the road that’s approximately right, not all the ones that are wrong! Sometimes encouragement finds what’s approximately right and celebrates that.
So let’s review. Encouragement isn’t just endless praise. Encouragement isn’t just endless ideas on how someone else can get better. Encouragement isn’t just about behavior. Encouragement is seeing past someone’s shells, noticing what really matters to them right now, and speaking to that core fear or aspiration. That’s what it looks like when you have the spiritual DNA to support, strengthen, counsel, and help others develop.
Jesus did this all the time. When his disciples were worried about what happens after death, he told them “In my Father’s house there are many rooms…and I go and prepare a place for you.” When they were worried about leading pointless lives, he said “follow me and I will make you fishers of people.” When they were worried that they didn’t have a role to play because Jesus could do everything, he sent them out two by two to minister in his name.
So for all of us – as parents, as leaders, as co-workers, as friends, as sons or daughters – when you’re trying to encourage someone try to think more deeply about why someone is doing or thinking or feeling the way they are before you decide the best way to encourage them. And if you need some ideas, our text today says “pray without ceasing!” Ask God for that insight. Ask the Holy Spirit for the words to say or the actions that will speak louder than words.
For the Encouragers
But for those of you who have Encouraging as one of your top Spiritual DNA, here are a few extra tips. Just like we did with Leading and Prophecy and Compassion, here are some ideas on using that Spiritual DNA as God designed you.
If you have the Spiritual DNA for encouraging, one role you may do well and find fulfilling is by being a recruiter on a team. That may be finding more volunteers, that may be helping to expand how many people benefit from the ministry. But the encourager can sense, “Well I really feel that Tim over there is looking to make a difference, and I think he would enjoy this ministry. I’ll invite him.” Or the encourager can notice, “We had three new guests this week, and I wonder if we could serve them better. I’ll check.”
And you may think that everyone notices those things, but guess what – I don’t! A bunch of people here don’t notice those things. That’s your Spiritual Gift – your Spiritual DNA. That’s God’s design for YOU. Other people don’t see past the outer shells we’re all hiding behind. You’re uniquely gifted for that.
Sometimes I get that kind of guidance. I call those prayer matches – when God gives me names randomly to fit a ministry or a volunteer role perfectly. Sometimes I don’t even think it’s a good fit, but I’ve learned to listen to the Holy Spirit. Those prayer matches are batting 1.000 so far – never missed on a prayer match. It’s almost like God is more insightful than I am. But if you have the Spiritual DNA for Encouraging, it’s likely you get that kind of guidance on prayer matches way more frequently than I do. Use that in a ministry you care about and watch what the Holy Spirit does!
So that’s one good way to use your gift. Let me share one potential weakness of the Spiritual DNA for Encouraging. There’s a temptation to operate from your opinions rather than what the Holy Spirit is actually saying. It is an essential skill for our Encouragers to learn how to listen for the Spirit’s confirmation rather than taking every thought or opinion as Gospel truth. Our text today says “do not despise the prophets” – don’t forget the Scriptures. Don’t forget to go back and check with what God has said in Scripture and what God wants to say to you through prayer. Stick close to God, not just your own opinions. A prayer match is only a prayer match if prayer was a part of the prayer match, right? Say that three times fast.
Summary
So the Spiritual DNA for Encouraging isn’t just a bunch of “atta-boys” and it’s not a bunch of “you missed a spots” either. Encouragement is the ability to see past the outer shell, to see what really matters to someone right now, and speak comfort or admonishment or peace to that inner motivation. And the goal of that encouragement is to support, strengthen, counsel, or otherwise help someone develop.
We can all do that in our lives.
But if that’s your Spiritual DNA, I encourage you – see what I did there? – to use your ability to see more deeply into people’s motivations. God designed you to use that ability in ministry to build others up or help people join a ministry that they would love or be served by a ministry that would meet a deep need. But as you use that ability, make sure you’re always checking your opinions with Scripture and prayer.
What could the Holy Spirit do in our midst if we weren’t just operating on the surface? What could the Holy Spirit do in our midst if, through prayer, we connected deeper to what really matters to people in their particular lives right now? That’s what the Spiritual DNA for Encouraging can unleash in our church. That sounds exciting to me. How about you? Amen.